The grand WWE '12 review

Hello fellas.




Last month the newest installment in WWE video game land was released. As always, I was suckered into getting it, plainfully aroused by several new inclusions that mostly consist of moves. This time, my dad forked out the money instead of myself, which made it less of a disappointment, considering the wasted money could've been spent on beer.


Yes, what many people hail as "the best game since No Mercy" was a grand disappointment. I knew, going into it, that several things were going to bother me. They simply always do. WWE 12 raised the standard.


Let me get some positives over with. For years, I've been hoping the gigantically awesome Regalplex would be included. This year, it finally happened and it's properly animated to boot. Naturally, I've been spamming the fuck out of it, as a compensation for all those years I wanted to have it, but couldn't. On top of that, some neat new superkicks were added, and a second version of Drew McIntyre's Future Shock, that now finally resembles the move he does  used to do on tv. 


For some reason that makes fuck all sense, the amount of FU's Attitude Adjustments and F5's have been increased to four each (+1 AA, +3 F5), making the total of completely useless variations 6 out of 8. Still no much craved additions of popular indy finishers (which did happen frequently in earlier installments, but not important overall).


Ultimate positive? Composing your own basic entrance video, which is a new feature that even I thoroughly enjoyed. With it, you can choose from twenty-something basic themes, on which two shards of text can be added, along with a possible logo. Each theme comes with their (albeit, generic) song. Some of those (Gold Medalist, Gothic, ...) are very appealing to my ears. Boneriffic.


The multitude of flaws commence. Aside from those useless move additions, which aren't really a big deal, there's a lot of frustration with the game. Let me begin.


Road to Wrestlemania. I've learned to live with the idea of playing a story mode with one character. The thing is, that now, you have stories that follow eachother up. First comes the Villain storyline, which sees you playing as Sheamus, who teams up with Regal, Barrett and McIntyre to form the stable "the United Kingdom" (Unoriginal as fuck, but it's forgiven). At the end, you'll find Sheamus with every possible title in his possession. 


That moment, the Outsider story begins, with Triple H winning the WWE title from Sheamus (you are already playing as Triple H then). The whole story revolves around Triple H losing the title through injury and his quest to regain it from The Miz, to reach his record-breaking 17th reign. Once that happens, the Hero story begins with a created character. This year, you're forced into a default name and moveset, which allows the announcers to use your name. This could be so awesome, because you'll be crusading against WCW who has taken over. Of course, considering the superstar who are involved over time, you can pretty much guess what will go down. If you have any knowledge of WCW anyway.


RTWM could've been so awesome, given the right treatment. Unlike other years, the game doesn't give you the option to quit the story mode for a while. Nope, instead, you're forced to sit through a tedious announcer dialogue, then you have to select "quit match" from the options menu and then you can go do Universe mode or something. Not really cool.


The realism of this game is uncanny. By that, I don't mean the graphics, as they are barely updated from SvR2011. The programmers wanted the game to be more like the shows (they got the shitty part right, I guess) so every other move is reversed by the AI making it a fucking pain in the ass to complete RTWM.


Those reversals can be toned down in the options menu, but of course, that doesn't affect the RTWM mode, which has a set of options of its own. this years RTWM is quite possibly the shittiest one ever, regardless of those reversals. I concluded several things that so harshly bothered me throughout:


Predetermined finishes. It generally involves you beating the shit out of an opponent, amidst countless reversals. As soon as the prompt appears above your opponent's head, you'll usually end up seeing a cutscene of you getting beaten (to "advance the story"). This happens almost every match. blergh.


backstage brawls. The amount of backstage brawls in the RTWM mode is ridiculous. I didn't actually count, but it were a lot of them.  


Repeated finishes. This really only happens in the Outsider story, mainly because it's the only tool that was available to stretch this half assed story into 12 gameweeks worth of playing. I was actually grateful to the game, when the story arc ended. Sheesh.


One particular instance bothered me very badly. As I mentioned before, you'll be assigned a default moveset within the Hero story. Since I don't fancy having an Arm Drag as signature move or a DDT as a finisher, I changed the entire thing, top to bottom. I then reached Elimination Chamber and was unable to continue. I tried, three times, to shut off my console and restarting from the last save. The game froze at the same exact moment every time.


Instead of breaking the disc in half (it was a gift after all) I sought on the internet if there were users with the same problem I had. Fortunately yes, and I had the solution immediately. I HAD to revert back to that shitty default move set. Unbelievable. I copied my created superstar as a placeholder for a decent moveset and then reverted back to default on the original and was able to continue. 


That's one glitch (if it even is a glitch) I particularly hated. Other glitches weren't as bad, but looked ridiculous.
During Universe mode (busy unlocking all kinds of shit) I was attempting to strike down with a turnbuckle clothesline when my opponent's arm turned to Jello and was sufficiently elongated, it looked like elastic. No biggie, just ridiculous errors.


Another occurred when I did a tornado tag elimination chamber match. Pitting myself and two other characters against the rather mexican team of Rey, ADR and Sin Cara (to have a little consistency). I lost, mostly because my teammates were already pinned before I even left the little pod. The cutscene showed Rey Mysterio, celebrating with Sin Cara and ... CM Punk. Considering CM Punk was on my team, I consider that pretty weird. 


The very last thing that bothers me are the controls. Seriously, they now change every year under the guise of improving playability, yet they make it fucking harder to use every fucking time. Last year's were horrible, this year's controls raised the bar further. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I'll gladly have the SvR2010 controls back. 
Or the ones from 2002's SmackDown: Shut Your Mouth!


Honestly, if you're a die-hard masochist, buy this game. Otherwise, just spend it on something more useful. For instance, you can save up the cash and buy GTA V when it comes out. I for sure will, because this left a sour taste in mouth.


~D.

Like a Cena title reign

Hai


If you're wondering what the title implies: This entry follows so quickly after the last, it's like a John Cena title reign. 


I randomly noticed that WWE's TLC event took place yesterday. This was completely lost on me, to be entirely honest. A few years back, I used to be in the loop on the PPV schedule, even going as far as sitting through a number of them until 5 AM in the morning. When I realised it started making me insane ... well, you can guess.


TLC seemingly provided some quality entertainment. The results, likewise, are also pretty interesting. If you don't care to be spoiled, don't read on.


First off, I'd like to note that just about every champion on the roster is around 30 years of age. TNA, take notes. 


Cody Rhodes, who debuted as a bland, nameless drone in 2007, teaming with Bob Holly of all people, has showing signs of a personality over the past few weeks, solidifying his reign as the Intercontinental champion (including the early 90's title design which is just plain cool!). He's steadily heading into the same direction Randy Orton did, and I can see him breaking the glass ceiling within the next year. Now, he's doing a program with seasoned veteran Booker T over his title and this can only be positive. Again, a veteran working to put over a younger star to be. TNA, TAKE SOME FUCKING NOTES! 


I said it before. Ziggler is well on his way to become a top star as well, and rightly so. Funny if you think about it. He got onto the main roster through a Guerrero (need I remind you of Kerwin White and his caddy?) and he's moving to the top thanks to a Guerrero.


Ziggler, however, dropped his United States Champion to a selfmade star, Zack Ryder last night. It was coming for a while now, but Ryder has shone through. Going from no TV time in May to being featured on both RAW and SmackDown! in December. Thank you, social media! Now he's gotta prove he's indeed worthy of holding that belt.


CM Punk retained in a three way featuring Miz and Alberto del Rio. Expected to be honest. Anyone who has watched weekly programming over the past few months knows that Punk is on fire and the WWE's upper echelon is not looking to put him out any time soon. Big plans for this man, and it's no more than deserved. I never looked forward to RAW as much as I have the past six months. Even if it features only one hilarious Punk segment, the show is safe. 


Another one who has seemingly become red hot lately is "D-Bry" Daniel Bryanson/Bryan Danielson/Daniel Bryan. He's living the life. Money in the Bank firmly in hand, having smooched heavily with the Bella Twins, Gail Kim (who is already a double champion in TNA again, go figure), and now doing tonsil pingpong with April Mendez (or AJ Lee as she's called now). 
On top of all that, he cashed in his championship opportunity after Big Show pinned a legit injured Mark Henry. Big Show wins, gets DDT'd by Mark Henry after celebrating and then Bryan cashes in. 


New world champion, a geeky love interest he gets to smooch with every so often ... fans have every reason to hate the bastard, but all who like his work have been following him for far longer than his WWE run. 
I myself became acquainted with the man as early as 2005, when I found out he was trained by the man himself, William Regal. Good times, good times.


It was a fairly eventful PPV, perhaps even worth to watch.


But in the end, it's this picture that makes it all cool beans:

No one dared to think this was possible. Two of the most respected indy stars, most likely to be wasting away in the mid-card for the rest of their careers, on top of the food chain. Finally.




~D.
















PS: I've recently received WWE 12 (and am very close to asking for a refund). Like other installments, I'll be doing a proper review pretty soon. Currently attempting to play through the story mode and shit, which is proper difficult if the pos keeps glitching on you.

The pleasant return

Hey


This is probably the longest time I've half assed between two entries. I won't apologise, simply because I reaaaaaalllllly had much bigger things to worry about. From educational troubles to family-related issues, blogging really was the last thing I felt like doing.


Either way, exams are thankfully over and unlike other years, the chances that I have passed are 99%. Good times, good times. Now, I don't expect that those who bother to read this blog, which by this time is probably no one want to read about personal shit so I'll get right to it.


I'm not going to do a "year in review" type thingy. It has to be said, however, that the last six months have been an absolute treat for the fans who have stuck by WWE through thick and, mostly, thin.


Those who have frequented Vinnie Mac's programming know that CM Punk has been consistently holding up the quality of Monday Night RAW. It's a blessing, since RAW has been the inferior show for a good number of years, not in the least due to overexposure of John Cena and Randy Orton. 


There are some things bugging me though. Due to me not being able to properly watch programming, I frequent dirt sheets and the comments that some people leave on news messages are sometimes valid, but in most cases, downright moronic. One that seems to pop up every so often is how people hate Mike the Mizanin. Really? Really? Really?


Personally, I really don't get it. I have never been a fan of Miz, but since his much maligned WWE title run, people seem to give him flack left and right. Fuck that shit, I find Miz entertaining. Basically, coming from a slightly ass backwards reality show that propelled him into mediocre fame to the point where he was the face of the company, I have a ton of respect for that. He plays the heel role very well, and he's now got his own trademark phrase (that is not as corny as his earlier one). 


Regardless of that, in terms of heel personae that have stepped up, Miz is being outshined by both Dolph Ziggler and Cody Rhodes. These guys have suddenly gained some form of personality, which makes them really entertaining to watch. Me gusta mucho. 


No matter how much Vickie Guerrero is hated, her affiliation proves to be vital when it comes to superstars stepping up their game. Unfortunately, the same thing does not work for Jack Swagger, whose lisp is still more memorable than anything else he's ever done.


Speaking of really entertaining: John Laurinaitis. This sarcasm must translate well. Mr. Excitement himself, now general manager of the RAW brand has the charisma of a bag of carrots. He always has. Apparently, when father Laurinaitis was handing out packets of charisma to his sons, most went to brother Joe, who instantly transformed into Animal and met Hawk. You know, the Hall of Famer.


Thank Jeebus for CM Punk! Feel free to interchange with Buddha/Dalai Lama/Satan/Jim Cornette/Zeus/Odin/Allah or Richard Dawkins.


Last monday, Kane returned as a heel and most importantly, masked. yes, masked. It's been a long time coming, and hopefully it'll bring some much needed credibility to the character. There was simply nothing left of that monster and made Undertaker proverbially shit his pants.


SmackDown suffers, ever since Edge left and Randy Orton has been involved in the brand. The world champion on the brand is Mark Henry, who has been trying to get on top since 1996 and was consistently passed over, simply because he couldn't hack it. The roster, however, is so seemingly thin that Mark was their best option. 
While I have to admit that Mark has improved greatly, he's still not worthy to run with the belt. The Big Show, not exactly a wizard on the mic either, has really kept this rivalry going.


Finally, some attention is being given to Daniel Bryanson (or something like that...). For approximately 12 seconds, he was world champion, but since Mark Henry "wasn't cleared to compete" he had to return the title. I got excited, since he won a fatal 4 way that involved Orton (ORTON DID NOT WIN, WOWZERS!) and he got a title match the week after, in the cage. Good, Good, Good heavens, why fuck up again?! 
Bryan lost, which wasn't that bad, but only last tuesday/friday he again jobbed like he was fuck all. Doesn't really make sense.

Speaking of not making sense, TNA Impact Wrestling (successful segue is successful) has been slightly improved lately, in part because their world title is now held by someone who has never had their career chronicled through a DVD by a company with two W's in the name. 
First James Storm, which is a Russo swerve extroardinaire, and later by Bobby Roode, who turned on his long time partner and took the title. Cool beans. Unfortunately, TNA creative still hasn't got the best mind when it comes to business. You can question their motives, but their best title matches are on TV, while uneventful title matches where not a single title even changes hands is on PPV. Yeah, increase those PPV buys lads .... 


Reading the results of the latest PPV (as early as last Sunday) saw former WWF/-E/WCW employees pick up most of the victories and whatever homegrown talent that was booked for the show got shat on. I could now hold a passionate rant about TNA's constant refusal to give homegrown talent a proper chance, but it would fall on deaf ears. It's a sinking ship, even when Hogan and Bischoff are minimally involved. I'll be awaiting the moment when the talent sends out the first S.O.S.  


Anyone care to start a Farewell TNA celebration?


~D.

Too close for comfort

Evening (or any other appropriate time based-greeting)


To start off, I'm slightly worried. 


A mere two weeks ago, we were served a pretty good pay per view, by WWE's 2011 standard. It wasn't anywhere near Money in the Bank or Summerslam, but those were evidently great by the main event and the build up for the matches. Night of Champions was simply not eventful enough to continue for the hattrick (excuse the soccer/football terminology).


The problem now, is that the next pay per view Hell in a Cell is already scheduled for this coming Sunday, in New Orleans. Regardless of what WWE puts on ( possibly entertaining matches at that), it will obviously suffer from low buyrates.


I reckon personally that the numbers for Night of Champions were good, simply because they took the time to decently promote the matches. With Hell in a Cell, they have had 2 weeks to promote the card and the event. Add to that the fact that a good number of people forked out a hefty sum for Night of Champions and Hell in a Cell will turn into a commercial failure. 


To me, it seems so much easier (and possibly more lucrative) to promote less pay per view events, and use the given extra time to properly promote the remaining ones. You simply cannot promote properly in two weeks. Even 4 weeks is barely passable. That's one of the reasons Wrestlemania always pulls good numbers.
They start promoting it right after the Rumble. Of course, the fact it's the pro wrestling Super Bowl doesn't hurt either.


Enough with the marketing babble. Hell in a Cell could be a decent PPV. With 4 matches currently announced, I expect some impromptu bouts. Half of the current bouts announced are promising. I'll run all of them down.


John Cena (c) vs CM Punk vs Alberto Del Rio - WWE Championship - Hell in a Cell match


The first ever Triple Threat HIAC match. We'll just forget the 2000 Armageddon Hell in a Cell for a while and act like this will end in a never-before-seen bloodbath. This will undoubtedly be a great match, however. 


Punk has never been able to suck, and has put on three consecutive top tier matches on PPV. 
Alberto Del Rio, love him or hate him .. but he's skilled when it comes down to ring work. Smart worker and everything. Cena, being average at best, will benefit greatly from having to guys to work with, giving his ring work much needed depth.


I expect a lot of action between Cena and Punk, since those guys have built up their rivalry a lot already and they work great together. Del Rio will of course have his share, and I expect he will wait it out, avoiding too much contact at first.


Regardless, I expect CM Punk to take the title. That can continue the feud between Del Rio and Cena. CM Punk in turn will get much needed momentum. After the build up they gave him, it wouldn't be wise having him lose two times in a row on PPV. 


This Punk match could also do without Kevin Nash. That bit has run its course, now that Triple H isn't even involved in the match anymore. I found it to be incredibly cheap to have Nash interfere in their NOC match. 


Christian vs Sheamus - Singles Match.


Sheamus has been getting over pretty well as a face, and his ring style is solid. He basically took over the role that Ezekiel Jackson had, and proved that Ezekiel Jackson is a complete wreck when it comes to wrestling. The fact that he's wrestling Christian will be beneficial to him as well. Christian is well rounded and is definitely good enough to put Sheamus over in a credible manner.


That's that. Despite Christian being my absolute favorite superstar ever, along with Regal, it's fairly obvious what the outcome will be. Either Christian will pick up the win in a dicky DQ manner or Sheamus goes over clean. DQ finishes on PPV's are ballsy and generally a risk rarely taken, so I expect a clean win for our Irish fella.


I don't like Christian's new old whining gimmick. These days, he's the Creepy Little Bastard, without the entertainment value.


Mark Henry (c) vs Randy Orton - World Heavyweight Championship - Hell in a Cell Match 


This is the kinda match I wouldn't even pay half a buck for. I've tried and failed to find the entertainment value in Mark Henry. Lots of IWC big shots are praising WWE for putting the belt on Mark, but I heartily disagree.  Mark Henry has the charisma of a wet blanket and the wrestling skill generally possessed by an urangutan.


Randy Orton isn't exactly the definition of quality entertainment. For a while now, I have been wondering whether Skynet had him killed and replaced him with a T-800 (Appropriate, since I just held a Terminator-marathon. Even the shitty ones.)


Orton has never been a vat of enthusiasm on the stick, but good heavens. Since 2007, this guy has been downright lame to listen to. I get a bigger kick out of listening to REO Speedwagon on repeat.


The build up for this match has been like listening to a monologue on quantum physics. At one point, you just wake up, teary-eyed with drool seeping from your mouth, surprised this severe mental torture hasn't yet ended (This is also the general consensus for most of my days at college.)


Even though I really couldn't give two fucks about this match, I reckon Henry will retain, cleanly. The only way this match could be saved is if Orton wins and Bryan cashes in MITB afterwards.




The last announced match is Kelly Kelly (c) vs Beth Phoenix - Divas Championship - Singles Match.


Yeah, what can I say about this match? Divas matches are usually piss breaks in my book, but Kelly is always nice to look at, so why not. Beth is a good wrestler, but she plays the power game. Considering Kelly has been able to claim victory over Beth a few times already, usually in the same manner (Glam Slam counter roll up thingy) there has to be a different approach to this match. 


Kelly isn't a good wrestler. You can expect very little more from a swimsuit model turned wrestler type of girl.  She doesn't completely suck, like Chyna (who did that a little too literally. Serves me right for actually watching that tape).


Anyways, this match probably won't last long, but I expect Beth to win here. The highlight of this match will be, the anticipation for a wardrobe malfunction. 


In closing, Zack Ryder should really be on tv more often. Really.




~D.

New Place, Old Shit

First off, ....

With google trying to simplify the use of their products (ie. google, youtube, blogger etc.) I am now unable to log onto blogspot/blogger without logging out everywhere else. Considering Blogger is the "product" I use the least, I decided to set up a new blog, so I am not relegated to the tedious task logging in everywhere. Either way, you'll find my previous entries right here and here. I wouldn't bother visiting the last one, as it was simply a school assigned blog, that has no use anymore, as far as I'm concerned.

As for this blog, expect no revamping or any of that garbage. I slightly changed the look of it, to something else that's default. Oh, and the name. I felt this blog could do with a more pro wrestling themed, less idiotic title. With that out of the way, let's go.


The blog title actually refers to my move, but it fits general TNA programming.

TNA  Impact Wrestling has been a source of hilarity for a long time. However, most of my humour-induced actually is entirely accountable to former TNA wrestler Matt Lardy Hardy. Grab your easel, cause we're gonna paint a picture.

Matt Hardy debuts at Genesis, becomes a beacon of mediocrity until a few months ago. Nope, he didn't improve. He just followed his boneheaded brother in getting suspended from the company.

Somewhere in August (might get it wrong, I suck at remembering dates), the older Hardy wraps his car around a pole or tree and tests positive for alcohol (in a more fancy manner: DWI). Hilarity ensues when the internet wrestling community proceeds to mock him for yet another chapter in  Matt Hardy's Great Chronicle of Tool. He reacts by posting a video with a cryptic message, seemingly pointing towards a suicide attempt.

Some idiots bought it and cops actually show up at his front door. He then posts a video dispelling the suicide message, claiming it to be a rebirth for Matthew Hardy. Fair game.

He was "rid of his demons". Again, fair game. Then, last week, he gets arrested again for DWI. I intend to buy  the Matt Hardy Chronicle if that ever comes out. Should be an awesome read. Regardless, TNA fired him. Unlike Kurt Angle, who got arrested, but signed a new deal instead. Something tells me it has to do with the fact that Matt Hardy has never been over, and burned every possible bridge with the fans by being a tool. Kurt Angle is an all-around success story. Just guessing.

In other Hardy news, the Jeff drug case finally got a verdict. Sadly, Jeff only has to spend 10 days in jail. In the meantime, he returned to Impact, despite his last "match" being a minute and a half of Sting trying to keep Jeff on his feet, while the latter was wasted off his rocker. TNA logic ...

TNA storylines have this weird effect on me. I heard Bobby Roode became the new #1 contender: (Reaction: YEAH!). Afterwards, Hogan announces his departure from TNA (reaction: "work!" ). Let's hope I'm dead wrong on this one, and Hogan indeed fucks off as far from pro wrestling possible.

Aaahhh, I fondly remember the days I would praise TNA programming and slam WWE programming. For a good portion of the year, WWE has been putting on consistently better shows.

That doesn't particularly include SmackDown! with Orton is champ again, for the umpteenth time. That's of course peanuts compared to the fact that Great Khali Singh is on tv every week, wrestling the same match (read: everyone trying to get something that resembles a match out of this Behemoth of Useless).

The icing on the cake though is the fact that Mark Henry is getting a heel push again. Moreover, they have Kane and Big Show sitting at home, selling "the injuries sustained" by Mark's attacks. I really wonder what kinda shrooms Ed Koskey and his team ingested, because it's been proven countless times in the past that Mark Henry pushes are usually stumped by his lack of skill in any aspect of the business.
His most popular gimmick is still "Sexual Chocolate" for fuck's sake.

Strangely, RAW has been the most entertaining as of late. Primarily thanks to CM Punk. This man has singlehandedly killed kayfabe and provided a lot of people with entertaining segments. He even made John Cena step up his promo game.

It was close to being a complete bomb though. Not through CM Punk's fault or anyone else involved then. It was the fifth person added to the "rivalry" after Punk, Cena, Triple H and Johnny Ace. The addition of Kevin Nash was pretty much unnecessary and proved that Nash can't hang anymore. He used to be more than decent on the mic a decade ago, but Punk pretty much blew him off his feet.

Luckily, Kevin "Bad Knees to the Bone" Nash didn't pass his physical testing and his proposed match with Punk was off the table. Instead, Triple H will face off against Punk in a No Holds Barred Match this coming Sunday. Punk wins and Triple H will have to give up his position as Chief Operating Officer. Triple H wins and Punk *might* get fired.

Trips better start jobbing now. He's got nothing to lose. Fact of the matter is that anyone can see Punk needs to capitalise on this to stay relevant in this issue.

Ah well, we'll see.


~D.