Ye Olde Royal Rumble

Bonjour


Yesterday, the first of WWE's big four PPV's took place. January's staple and the official beginning of the road to Wrestlemania. 


The Royal Rumble has always been a vehicle to launch the next main eventer, or establish one as such. This year proved no different, but I'll run down the card, the results and provide my opinion on it. If you want to see the event, but haven't ... this contains spoilers.




I've never really understood why WWE makes a point out of having the world title match as a curtain jerker. D-Bry faced off against Mark Henry and the Big Show in a Cage match. If you'd have asked me before the match happened, I'd have told you this was gonna suck.


You have a scrawny, yet talented guy fight two overweight guys in the confinements of a cage. That results in the two big guys overpowering the scrawny guy, tossing the smaller guy around, with virtually no ring action, because of the cage. It's not a match I'd care to watch. Luckily for all of us, creative played it out much differently, having Bryan go over the both of them without having any of the three look weak. Well played, guys, well played.


The second match of the night was already a piss-break. It's safe to say that this was a poorly executed match , and no surprising winner in the "Divas of Doom" and the Bellas. The only reason these Bella twins still have a  job is because they can frequent backstage segments ... in which they are not particularly entertaining. Ah, it could be worse, and it will.


Some Ryder and Eve shtick with "Funkman" in a starring role. Completely obsolete, unless it's their way to keep Ryder in the attention of viewers. 


John Cena vs Kane is next, in a rather surprising way. I would think that a match featuring the WWE's poster boy would go right before the main event, but I digress. This was a good match, considering the people involved. Nobody would expect them to go old school on each other, but their match told the story. These guys have been getting at each other for over a month now, and it culminates in a double countout. A poor execution of it too, but I digress.


This is the best way it could end, but it also puts WWE into a pickle of sorts. They strive to continue this rivalry, because there is still potential there. But at the same time, they need to start building up the match between Cena and the Rock at Mania.


Just goes to show that planning ahead a year in advance doesn't always help, especially when you have the competitors formally announce it a year ahead. I expect the rivalries to overlap and that Kane will have some outside involvement in their Mania match. 


The next match can only be described as "the intermission sideshow". Brodus Clay defeats jobber in quick fashion. I just don't buy into this guy. You have the guy eat Flash Funk and Norman Smiley with a side of Scotty 2 Hotty and there is his gimmick. He's just not impressive like this, and everyone would've been better off if he hadn't made his re-debut at all. Unless he gets to show what he can do, his career with the big E will wither fast.


Thoroughly surprising that the jobber he defeated has better skill, but lacks the charisma Brodus Clay should have. Drew McIntyre is not on a losing streak, this is getting humiliating. Give the guy a break, come on. He may not be the most impressive worker or the most charismatic superstar SmackDown has, but when you've got Mark Henry in your main event, that's a moot point.
Though, Henry has been somewhat entertaining as a heel.


CM Punk tangles with Dolph Ziggler next. Johnny Ace is ref. I prefer using his ring name, because it'll save me time in spell checking ^_^


Johnny Ace pretty much immediately bans Vickie G from ringside. Face turn what? 
This match is as how you would expect it to be. These guys, along with D-Bry and young Rhodes as of late, are probably the most talented guys on the roster, and it shows. Ziggler can sell anything like its a hit and run and just like Punk he brings a much needed variety in matches. Surprisingly, Ace called it down the middle and it left Punk the victor. Definitely want to see these guys have more matches in time.


Then the staple of the event. The Royal Rumble match. Unlike last year, this year's has 30 entrants again, probably due to time constraints. There would be a few guys you could peg as potential winners. Cody Rhodes for example, who has been going strong, but his current rivalry hasn't resolved yet.


The second I'd say was Jericho. Everybody knows that he's going for a program with Punk, with a possible match at Wrestlemania. Winning the Rumble would pretty much solidify that.

It eventually comes down to Jericho and Sheamus. Sheamus eventually manages to eliminate Jericho. Good. 
I find Sheamus highly entertaining as a face. As a heel, you could see he had potential, but his heel persona didn't go over with me at all. As a face, it's a different story. I'm glad he won, because I know he can put up a more than decent match with anyone he's facing. If he chooses to face D-Bry (provided he still has the belt come Mania time), this could be the show stealer, after the Money in the Bank match. 


If anything Sheamus' victory comes off a lot less icky than last year, when Alberto del Rio won. Sure, Del Rio is talented, but it just seemed a cheap way to have that character go over. He's still a second rate JBL when it comes to that gimmick. Now, ADR's run wasn't that memorable, so I hope Sheamus will change things around. Everybody knows the kids love him these days.


Appropriate mentions: Every match got a proper amount of time dealt to them. Even the divas match ran for 6 minutes. That's not much, especially for a divas match, but with their current standards, 6 minutes is the limit before one tries to swallow his own eyeballs.


A good call for creative was the fact that neither Cena nor Kane, although eligible, participated in the Royal Rumble match. 


A bad call was, let's see. The inclusion of Michael Cole, The Great Khali, Jim Duggan and to an extent Road Dogg in the Royal Rumble match. Road Dogg can still go, but other than nostalgia, his participation provided virtually nothing. I don't think I need to explain the other two. 


Vince insist on shoving Cole down our throats, though his on-screen persona is about as entertaining as a nightlight in the shape of a cock. Well, I had heard also, that The Great Khali was done with WWE, which made me hopeful. Too bad. 
Next year, I hope Wade Barrett is right and The Godfather participates as Papa Shango. Kids will shit their pants for the voodoo man.


Also, Kharma returned in the match and took a few people out. Fun times. 


I just feel that mid card talent got robbed of a few spots. Just sayin'.


~D.

It began! It culminated! It disappointed?

To keep with the overall theme of this entry: HELLO ASSCLOWNS!


Remember those vague promos airing during RAW? Remember how it could've been for both Undertaker and Jericho if a deal with the latter wasn't reached? Anyway, Jericho made his triumphant return last monday to a cheering crowd, who have apparently forgotten how he labeled them as hypocrites. What changed? 


In my perception, absolutely nothing changed. As Jericho made his return he gladly accepted the many cheering reactions. The longer Jericho stayed out there, the cheers turned to boos. Think back to his last months before his extended leave. He truthfully spoke of the many fans in attendance as being mindless sheep. He said he could make the audience cheer or boo at will. I guess he proved that. You could regard his return as a joke, or a very clever attempt to make his previous gimmick truthful. 


Or I'm just going insanely in depth and he's just happy to be back. Either way, I wouldn't push a silent gimmick on Jericho. He'd lose half of his charm. Let's be honest here. Jericho, whether as heel or face, comedy or serious ... they're golden. He's so much like Piper in that aspect, which I can only applaud.


Regardless of all that. There's a possible storyline with CM Punk on the horizon, which has so much potential, I'd even pay money for it. Both of them have called themselves "the best in the world" and truthfully, both have enough proof to claim it. This can only end up in a kickass match, possibly at Wrestlemania 28. Which will then completely outshine Cena vs Rock, obviously.


The only thing I can hope for is that the creative minds (using that term loosely) don't fuck it up like they did Cena/Punk. I like Del Rio, but adding him to that mix was a horrendous idea. I'm not even gonna start on Johnny Ace and Kevin Nash. I'll eagerly watch it unfold.


Other business, Randy Orton is out with an injury, which was explained on tv by having Wade Barrett "push Orton down the stairs". YAY! Seriously, viewers could use a break from having Orton shoved down their throats. Not to mention his theme music being absolutely shit. The problem that now arises, what everyone with any clue could've predicted is that SmackDown is now facing a slump period, with no one over to carry the brand. Fair game that creative gave the chance to D-Bryanson, but as good as he is, he cannot (yet) carry the SmackDown! brand. Neither can Big Show, neither can Henry. Neither can Wade Barrett or Cody Rhodes.


Who can? Christian. Problem? Christian is out ... with an injury. That injury even happened just outside my door, figuratively speaking. Now, SmackDown!'s creative team has to push some guys like mad to keep people actually watching. Wade Barrett, Daniel Bryanson, Cody Rhodes ...


Cody Rhodes, he's doing fine, even keeping people interested. Booker's involvement notwithstanding ... Cody is doing a fantastic job selling himself and his desire to rise above the family name and become a legend.


D-Bryanson, on the verge of a heel turn it seems (hopefully, he needs some spice in that character) isn't really keeping me interested. Sadly, as I think he's one of the most talented guys on the roster. But you already knew that. His under-the-surface rivalry with Big Show is just being handled meekly. Three weeks on and nobody has made any possible sign of turning. That's the next problem, nobody's actually sure who's gonna turn heel? Could go either way really. Also, smooching AJ Lee? Wouldn't mind being in Bryan's shoes now. 


Brodus Clay seems to be on the shitter. Apparently, the plan for him originally was that he would be a serious contender to win the Rumble. Seriously? The guy they fired from Deep South Wrestling in 2006 for performing consistently sub par will now seemingly win the Rumble? I'm sorry, but this is rather pathetic. He's just not any good. 


What the fuck is up with Drew McIntyre? First, he was wasted away off tv, and now he's being wasted away  and humiliated on tv. He'll even lose to Santino this coming Friday. (har har SPOILER!) I just don't get it. He's being treated like a tampon post PMS. 


hehhhhh....


TNA have got it figured out, seemingly. They have set up a promotion in India, featuring both TNA wrestlers, WWE rejects (durrrrr) and indy talent. Of course they have also added Sonjay Dutt to the mix, who obviously deserves better (botchamania reference har har)


Let's take a look. 
- Putting wrestling on the map in a growing market? CHECK!
- Pushing talent in a country where the Great Khali is revered as a god? CHECK!
- Pushing people that are well under 50 years of age? CHECK!

their inaugural heavyweight champion? Matt Morgan.

Regardless, it's still better than TNA's most important venture. TNA's Final Resolution pay per view drew 8.000 buys. WWE's worst selling pay per view, December to Dismember, drew 55.000 in 2006. Good job, guys. And that's directed to those 8.000 who had the guts to sit through the event.


~D.