Thursday, 27 November 2014
Friday, 3 October 2014
Lights, Camera, Entry
Hullo
First off, this is easily the hardest entry I've ever done. Bar none. Even though the topic is silly to begin with, I don't have that much experience with it, so I've spent the past month and a half actually coming up with a list of people that do the acting particularly well in my opinion.
Probably not many surprising choices, a lot of whom I can't really back up as to why they're on the list.
Again, though, these are in no particular order, as I'm going down the list the way I wrote them down as I remembered them.
- Alan Tudyk
If you have watched Serenity, he's probably a "leaf on the wind" for you. The thing is though ... this guy so versatile in characters, he'll never be a leading man, but he'll never be out of work either. He's probably even my favourite. Both TV and movies alike (A Knight's Tale, that awful third transformers movie, ...)
If I were to recommend a movie he's been in, I'd say horrorcomedy Tucker & Dale vs Evil. Pretty fucking brilliant.
- Morgan Freeman
For his performance in Shawshank Redemption alone he is worthy of inclusion. Morgan always brings it, for whatever role he's playing. If you can act Jim Carrey's antics off the screen, you're doing pretty well huh?
- Ahnuld Schwarzenegger
Surprised? Are you? This is part of the category I've dubbed SHBIG (So Hilariously Bad, It's Good). Terrible actor, now and then, but memorable. He's made a shitload of money by marketing the fact he's a terrible actor. Bravo. And honestly, is there anyone who cannot even remember a single one of his one-liners and hasn't done them in their best Ahnuld impression?
I know I did, multiple times.
- Samuel L. Jackson
You want badass? You get Sam Jackson. That's a given. A guy that does "Snakes on a Plane" knowing full well it's absolute garbage, for fun? That's Sam. Pulp Fiction is probably the highlight.
Also, he's not Laurence Fishburne.
- Ben Kingsley
Fantastic actor. Both as lead and supporting character. He's probably the master of immersion. Schindler's List, Hugo and (naturally) Iron Man 3. Even though everyone hates that last one, Ben Kingsley was definitely the highlight of that film for me. His performance in Hugo was pretty amazing too. Complimentary to the joy that was that film.
- Nicolas Cage
You guessed it, the next entry in the SHBIG category. This guy has two modes, whisper and scream, and they both come out in every film he does. He used to be really good, I've heard. Don't know what happened. Anyhow, I never sour on a film if Cage is in it, much like Ahnuld above. Probably why I've seen both Ghost Riders a couple of times now. Eva Mendes had nothing to do with that. Ahum...
- Bruno Ganz
Don't know who he is? Sure you do. The man has been a meme for years ... after portraying Hitler in possibly the second most jarring WWII-related film after Schindler's List. That performance alone definitely cements him as one of my favorite actors.
- Claire Danes
Surprising lack of women, huh? Thought so too. Claire Danes is probably an unusual choice. She made Terminator 3 bearable, is pretty awesome in Homeland ... guess that says something.
- Helena Bonham Carter
Nobody does absolutely batshit, like Helena Bonham Carter. Helps being married to an equally batshit director, but still. She's a hugely popular actress, despite being predominantly a character actress. Not bad.
- Peter Sellers
Watch Dr. Strangelove. Superb film, and Peter Sellers at his best. Easily the best comic actor I've ever seen.
No list is complete without some honorable mentions. Any one of these I'd put before Claire Danes, but gender equality is cool and so I've bumped Claire up to the list instead. Don't judge me, gender equality gets the bitches wet**
- Robin Williams. I kept him off the list because of his recent passing, which would likely make his inclusion a result of that. Nothing could be farther from the truth. He's done great comic acting, but his dramatic roles are possible even better. Dead Poets Society, Insomnia, What dreams may come. The latter isn't really that great of a film, but Robin is on fire in this role.
- Steve Buscemi. A face even his mother finds difficult to love, but a fantastic actor. First saw him in a bad film called airheads (Brendan Fraser AND Adam Sandler, you do the math). Later saw him absolutely kill it in Fargo and Reservoir Dogs. Now he's being completely and utterly awesome in Boardwalk Empire. He really should've been on the list ... Oh well.
- Malcolm McDowell. A Clockwork Orange. There you go. No further reasoning necessary.
Now, the obligatory inclusion of a female specimen of beauty.
I wanted to include Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, because she did some acting. But she made me sit through the third Transformers movie, which is unforgivable***
Therefore, Allow me to introduce you to: Sigrid Agren
Since the readership of my blog is predominantly French, why not go with a French/Swedish girl?
Carribean French, but hey ...
naturally, google is your friend if you're aiming for boobies.
** of course the statement was made with a brave sense of irony. Don't hit me with lipstick and tampons please.
First off, this is easily the hardest entry I've ever done. Bar none. Even though the topic is silly to begin with, I don't have that much experience with it, so I've spent the past month and a half actually coming up with a list of people that do the acting particularly well in my opinion.
Probably not many surprising choices, a lot of whom I can't really back up as to why they're on the list.
Again, though, these are in no particular order, as I'm going down the list the way I wrote them down as I remembered them.
- Alan Tudyk
If you have watched Serenity, he's probably a "leaf on the wind" for you. The thing is though ... this guy so versatile in characters, he'll never be a leading man, but he'll never be out of work either. He's probably even my favourite. Both TV and movies alike (A Knight's Tale, that awful third transformers movie, ...)
If I were to recommend a movie he's been in, I'd say horrorcomedy Tucker & Dale vs Evil. Pretty fucking brilliant.
- Morgan Freeman
For his performance in Shawshank Redemption alone he is worthy of inclusion. Morgan always brings it, for whatever role he's playing. If you can act Jim Carrey's antics off the screen, you're doing pretty well huh?
- Ahnuld Schwarzenegger
Surprised? Are you? This is part of the category I've dubbed SHBIG (So Hilariously Bad, It's Good). Terrible actor, now and then, but memorable. He's made a shitload of money by marketing the fact he's a terrible actor. Bravo. And honestly, is there anyone who cannot even remember a single one of his one-liners and hasn't done them in their best Ahnuld impression?
I know I did, multiple times.
- Samuel L. Jackson
You want badass? You get Sam Jackson. That's a given. A guy that does "Snakes on a Plane" knowing full well it's absolute garbage, for fun? That's Sam. Pulp Fiction is probably the highlight.
Also, he's not Laurence Fishburne.
- Ben Kingsley
Fantastic actor. Both as lead and supporting character. He's probably the master of immersion. Schindler's List, Hugo and (naturally) Iron Man 3. Even though everyone hates that last one, Ben Kingsley was definitely the highlight of that film for me. His performance in Hugo was pretty amazing too. Complimentary to the joy that was that film.
- Nicolas Cage
You guessed it, the next entry in the SHBIG category. This guy has two modes, whisper and scream, and they both come out in every film he does. He used to be really good, I've heard. Don't know what happened. Anyhow, I never sour on a film if Cage is in it, much like Ahnuld above. Probably why I've seen both Ghost Riders a couple of times now. Eva Mendes had nothing to do with that. Ahum...
- Bruno Ganz
Don't know who he is? Sure you do. The man has been a meme for years ... after portraying Hitler in possibly the second most jarring WWII-related film after Schindler's List. That performance alone definitely cements him as one of my favorite actors.
- Claire Danes
Surprising lack of women, huh? Thought so too. Claire Danes is probably an unusual choice. She made Terminator 3 bearable, is pretty awesome in Homeland ... guess that says something.
- Helena Bonham Carter
Nobody does absolutely batshit, like Helena Bonham Carter. Helps being married to an equally batshit director, but still. She's a hugely popular actress, despite being predominantly a character actress. Not bad.
- Peter Sellers
Watch Dr. Strangelove. Superb film, and Peter Sellers at his best. Easily the best comic actor I've ever seen.
No list is complete without some honorable mentions. Any one of these I'd put before Claire Danes, but gender equality is cool and so I've bumped Claire up to the list instead. Don't judge me, gender equality gets the bitches wet**
- Robin Williams. I kept him off the list because of his recent passing, which would likely make his inclusion a result of that. Nothing could be farther from the truth. He's done great comic acting, but his dramatic roles are possible even better. Dead Poets Society, Insomnia, What dreams may come. The latter isn't really that great of a film, but Robin is on fire in this role.
- Steve Buscemi. A face even his mother finds difficult to love, but a fantastic actor. First saw him in a bad film called airheads (Brendan Fraser AND Adam Sandler, you do the math). Later saw him absolutely kill it in Fargo and Reservoir Dogs. Now he's being completely and utterly awesome in Boardwalk Empire. He really should've been on the list ... Oh well.
- Malcolm McDowell. A Clockwork Orange. There you go. No further reasoning necessary.
Now, the obligatory inclusion of a female specimen of beauty.
I wanted to include Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, because she did some acting. But she made me sit through the third Transformers movie, which is unforgivable***Therefore, Allow me to introduce you to: Sigrid Agren
Since the readership of my blog is predominantly French, why not go with a French/Swedish girl?
Carribean French, but hey ...
naturally, google is your friend if you're aiming for boobies.
** of course the statement was made with a brave sense of irony. Don't hit me with lipstick and tampons please.
Thursday, 24 July 2014
Ebert, Siskel, Roeper, Delrihuzz?
Herro
This entry is probably the hardest entry I'll ever have to do. List my top 10 favorite movies. Fuck. I want to appear very cultured and add obscure flicks to the list that no one has heard of, but I'm not hipster like that.
I don't watch many movies to be honest. Genuinely, every time I open my DVD cabinet (ahum..) there's a tumbleweed right there. I kind of have to look for the movies between all the boxsets of tv series that I own.
I'm gonna try my best, but it's realistically possible that I won't even make it to ten.
I have seen several movies several times, not necessarily because they are any good, but rather because they are mindlessly entertaining. The Mummy and its direct sequel are prime examples of this. Not the Boris Karloff version from 1932, which I have seen a grand total of once, but the Brendan Fraser vehicle which I have seen an estimated 12 times since its release in 1999. I still like it.
So here goes, in no particular order.
The Green Mile.
John Coffey. Man, what a character. Aloof, but powerful. The story in itself is pretty weird, a former prison warden at his old age recalls the story of a Jesus like fellow who was on Death Row for murdering children. If by chance you haven't seen it, I won't spoil how it goes.
Based off of a Stephen King story, you pretty much know you're gonna get a good tale spun for ya. Add box office certainty Tom Hanks to the mix and you're pretty much set. This is the kinda movie that doesn't have any dull moments anywhere, and is pretty well made overall.
The Shawshank Redemption.
Likely a favourite of many people. Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman star in this prison story by Stephen King (odd pattern emerges?) about a guy who gets imprisoned for murdering his wife and her lover. Being a coy banker, he quickly gains the trust of the head warden who has him laundering funds. Meanwhile, plots are being built up every which way. Lovely film, with Tim Robbins totally killing it and Morgan Freeman being his usual fantastic self.
Reservoir Dogs
Classic Tarantino, with an impressive cast to boot. The story of a robbery pulled off by guys that don't even know each other. Each of them referred to by a color (Why do I have to be Mr. Brown? Brown is the color of shit.). Harvey Keitel, Michael Madsen, Steve Buscemi etc ... although you probably have seen it. Why the fuck wouldn't you have?
I'll put this film on the same position as Pulp Fiction, which isn't on this list, simply because it's been such a long time since I've actually seen it.
The Mummy
Yeah, it's not that good. But let's list the pros here. Rachel Weisz in 1999 (she was really fit, and she kind of still is). Oded Fehr not being some paper pusher from a foreign intelligence agency and instead being a warrior of an ancient tribe destined to protect the tomb of the mummy (specifically trying to stop people from opening it and bringing him back to life. Obviously failing to do that), the movie debut of the always funny Omid Djalili. Oh, and that guy who played two guys in Jumanji ("Van Pelt!") and now plays another guy. Fun, predictable film ... without any of the CGI that would make Rocky look all rubbery in the sequel.
The Terminator.
Yeah, that's the kind of movies I like to watch, because they don't require much prerequisite. Oh man, it's so 80's. Plus, it has Schwarzenegger not saying all too much, which is a benefit to us all. Let's be fair ... Ahnuld is probably the worst actor our generation has ever seen, if you're looking for pure skill instead of one-liner hilarity.
Anyways, many would rank T2 above this one, but I don't. Hell, T2 was a fucking buddy movie, while the original, although terribly dated, was so much darker. Also, there are tits to be seen, even if they do belong to Linda Hamilton, who managed to become less of a butterface as time went on, but is still full on buttery in 1984. Omagawd, the mullets! the fucking mullets!
Also , most quotable line ever originated right in this film! If I need to tell you which one, you'll gonna want to see it.
Serenity
I'm firmly with the Browncoat legion. Serenity being the feature film closure to the cult series Firefly that got shitcanned by Fox midway through the first season's tapings. It however got such a cult following that they celebrated the tenth anniversary of its appearance (and well, cancellation) in 2012. But they also did this film, which is the awesomeness of the series, but on a larger scale, and much more polished. Seriously, watch Firefly and then watch Serenity. YOU HAVE TO. Captain Tightpants commands you.
Also, it's Joss Whedon's film debut. He created and outlined Firefly and subsequently wrote and directed Serenity. He's like also the director and co-writer of Avengers. What more convincing do you need?
(BREAK FOR EVERY READER TO WATCH SERENITY...)
There, wasn't that just a fantastic experience? I told you so.
Spaceballs
It may surprise you ... I have not seen a single "episode" of Star Wars. None of the originals, none of the prequels and likely not the reboot. I have, however, seen the parody. Mel Brooks has a very hit or miss type of career when it comes to making parody movies. Spaceballs is firmly among the hits and as per usual, he stars in it himself.
It's fucking glorious. Bill Pullman, John Candy and Rick Moranis have the starring roles. That's kind of all you need to know. I'm smiling just thinking back. And if you've read my other entries, you'll realise that smiling is not something that comes naturally to me. Frankly, the only failsafe mechanisms to make me smile are tits and/or beer.
Ghost Rider
I love my superhero movies. I really do, ever since Jack Nicholson was the joker and Christopher Reeve was Superman. I'm a Marvel guy though. So why Ghost Rider? Simple, all the other Marvel movies, save for the second Ghost Rider was good. This one really isn't. Nic Cage (yeah, him) stars as Johnny Blaze, who sells his soul to Peter Fonda to save his father. It backfires on him and when Peter Fonda's son tries to cross daddykins, Johnny Blaze is transformed into a fiery jock who delivers justice. The premise is fine, but the execution ... dear Zeus.
But well, this is the kinda movie that's still firmly within the "so bad it's good"-category. The sequel isn't.
Hugo
Still relatively new, but this Scorsese film is just brilliant. Great sets, child actors who are reasonably good. Ben Kingsley as Georges Mélies. Many people thought it was quite boring, I enjoyed every minute of it. I can't really say much about it without delving into the plot so just go and watch it.
I can't really think of any other films that would make my top 10... or mostly even why the above listed would, really. What's left for me are honorable mentions
Sarah's Key (because I can't be arsed to look up the French spelling), a partially English, partially French film about a jewish girl during the second World War. During Pétain's rule, that is. Parallel to that is the story of a journalist (played by the ever horrible Kristin Scott Thomas) researching Sarah's life after she moves into her old family home. It's a great film though and having been forced to watch it for school, it was almost relieving.
Gran Torino. Another one I was forced to watch for school. Well, it's basically Clint Eastwood being a flagrant racist who goes from Dirty Senile Harry to the Good, the not-so Bad, but definitely Ugly.
The Wrestler. Of course. Mickey Rourke showing that he can actually act. Also, cameos from many indy stars such as Human Tornado (El Snowflake!), Necro Butcher and of course, Ernest "The Cat" Miller. Pretty entertaining, with the added bonus if you know at least something about the wrestling business.
Now, I've made the decision to balance out the testosterone with some much needed female hormones ... so you could actually spill some testosterone all over your keyboard if you're up for it.
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Because of this, I've been delving into the world of modelling (you're welcome.), to find fine specimen for you to fawn over for just a moment.
I figure it'll be equally useful if my entry is total horseshit. That way, you'll leave with at least a happy thought.
I've sort of weened it in a couple of entries ago, with Candice Swanepoel.
This time, I'll leave you with this one. I'll even include her name, for further research. You're welcome.
Lais Ribeiro. You know ... I could have included boobies, but I'd have to change the setting of this blog to NSFW. You have the name, you search the boobies. It would be well worth your time too.
If this is something you don't want me to continue ... fuck it man, you don't know the hardships I've had to endure searching for the pretty ones.
~Delrihuzz
This entry is probably the hardest entry I'll ever have to do. List my top 10 favorite movies. Fuck. I want to appear very cultured and add obscure flicks to the list that no one has heard of, but I'm not hipster like that.
I don't watch many movies to be honest. Genuinely, every time I open my DVD cabinet (ahum..) there's a tumbleweed right there. I kind of have to look for the movies between all the boxsets of tv series that I own.
I'm gonna try my best, but it's realistically possible that I won't even make it to ten.
I have seen several movies several times, not necessarily because they are any good, but rather because they are mindlessly entertaining. The Mummy and its direct sequel are prime examples of this. Not the Boris Karloff version from 1932, which I have seen a grand total of once, but the Brendan Fraser vehicle which I have seen an estimated 12 times since its release in 1999. I still like it.
So here goes, in no particular order.
The Green Mile.
John Coffey. Man, what a character. Aloof, but powerful. The story in itself is pretty weird, a former prison warden at his old age recalls the story of a Jesus like fellow who was on Death Row for murdering children. If by chance you haven't seen it, I won't spoil how it goes.
Based off of a Stephen King story, you pretty much know you're gonna get a good tale spun for ya. Add box office certainty Tom Hanks to the mix and you're pretty much set. This is the kinda movie that doesn't have any dull moments anywhere, and is pretty well made overall.
The Shawshank Redemption.
Likely a favourite of many people. Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman star in this prison story by Stephen King (odd pattern emerges?) about a guy who gets imprisoned for murdering his wife and her lover. Being a coy banker, he quickly gains the trust of the head warden who has him laundering funds. Meanwhile, plots are being built up every which way. Lovely film, with Tim Robbins totally killing it and Morgan Freeman being his usual fantastic self.
Reservoir Dogs
Classic Tarantino, with an impressive cast to boot. The story of a robbery pulled off by guys that don't even know each other. Each of them referred to by a color (Why do I have to be Mr. Brown? Brown is the color of shit.). Harvey Keitel, Michael Madsen, Steve Buscemi etc ... although you probably have seen it. Why the fuck wouldn't you have?
I'll put this film on the same position as Pulp Fiction, which isn't on this list, simply because it's been such a long time since I've actually seen it.
The Mummy
Yeah, it's not that good. But let's list the pros here. Rachel Weisz in 1999 (she was really fit, and she kind of still is). Oded Fehr not being some paper pusher from a foreign intelligence agency and instead being a warrior of an ancient tribe destined to protect the tomb of the mummy (specifically trying to stop people from opening it and bringing him back to life. Obviously failing to do that), the movie debut of the always funny Omid Djalili. Oh, and that guy who played two guys in Jumanji ("Van Pelt!") and now plays another guy. Fun, predictable film ... without any of the CGI that would make Rocky look all rubbery in the sequel.
The Terminator.
Yeah, that's the kind of movies I like to watch, because they don't require much prerequisite. Oh man, it's so 80's. Plus, it has Schwarzenegger not saying all too much, which is a benefit to us all. Let's be fair ... Ahnuld is probably the worst actor our generation has ever seen, if you're looking for pure skill instead of one-liner hilarity.
Anyways, many would rank T2 above this one, but I don't. Hell, T2 was a fucking buddy movie, while the original, although terribly dated, was so much darker. Also, there are tits to be seen, even if they do belong to Linda Hamilton, who managed to become less of a butterface as time went on, but is still full on buttery in 1984. Omagawd, the mullets! the fucking mullets!
Also , most quotable line ever originated right in this film! If I need to tell you which one, you'll gonna want to see it.
Serenity
I'm firmly with the Browncoat legion. Serenity being the feature film closure to the cult series Firefly that got shitcanned by Fox midway through the first season's tapings. It however got such a cult following that they celebrated the tenth anniversary of its appearance (and well, cancellation) in 2012. But they also did this film, which is the awesomeness of the series, but on a larger scale, and much more polished. Seriously, watch Firefly and then watch Serenity. YOU HAVE TO. Captain Tightpants commands you.
Also, it's Joss Whedon's film debut. He created and outlined Firefly and subsequently wrote and directed Serenity. He's like also the director and co-writer of Avengers. What more convincing do you need?
(BREAK FOR EVERY READER TO WATCH SERENITY...)
There, wasn't that just a fantastic experience? I told you so.
Spaceballs
It may surprise you ... I have not seen a single "episode" of Star Wars. None of the originals, none of the prequels and likely not the reboot. I have, however, seen the parody. Mel Brooks has a very hit or miss type of career when it comes to making parody movies. Spaceballs is firmly among the hits and as per usual, he stars in it himself.
It's fucking glorious. Bill Pullman, John Candy and Rick Moranis have the starring roles. That's kind of all you need to know. I'm smiling just thinking back. And if you've read my other entries, you'll realise that smiling is not something that comes naturally to me. Frankly, the only failsafe mechanisms to make me smile are tits and/or beer.
Ghost Rider
I love my superhero movies. I really do, ever since Jack Nicholson was the joker and Christopher Reeve was Superman. I'm a Marvel guy though. So why Ghost Rider? Simple, all the other Marvel movies, save for the second Ghost Rider was good. This one really isn't. Nic Cage (yeah, him) stars as Johnny Blaze, who sells his soul to Peter Fonda to save his father. It backfires on him and when Peter Fonda's son tries to cross daddykins, Johnny Blaze is transformed into a fiery jock who delivers justice. The premise is fine, but the execution ... dear Zeus.
But well, this is the kinda movie that's still firmly within the "so bad it's good"-category. The sequel isn't.
Hugo
Still relatively new, but this Scorsese film is just brilliant. Great sets, child actors who are reasonably good. Ben Kingsley as Georges Mélies. Many people thought it was quite boring, I enjoyed every minute of it. I can't really say much about it without delving into the plot so just go and watch it.
I can't really think of any other films that would make my top 10... or mostly even why the above listed would, really. What's left for me are honorable mentions
Sarah's Key (because I can't be arsed to look up the French spelling), a partially English, partially French film about a jewish girl during the second World War. During Pétain's rule, that is. Parallel to that is the story of a journalist (played by the ever horrible Kristin Scott Thomas) researching Sarah's life after she moves into her old family home. It's a great film though and having been forced to watch it for school, it was almost relieving.
Gran Torino. Another one I was forced to watch for school. Well, it's basically Clint Eastwood being a flagrant racist who goes from Dirty Senile Harry to the Good, the not-so Bad, but definitely Ugly.
The Wrestler. Of course. Mickey Rourke showing that he can actually act. Also, cameos from many indy stars such as Human Tornado (El Snowflake!), Necro Butcher and of course, Ernest "The Cat" Miller. Pretty entertaining, with the added bonus if you know at least something about the wrestling business.
Now, I've made the decision to balance out the testosterone with some much needed female hormones ... so you could actually spill some testosterone all over your keyboard if you're up for it.
Because of this, I've been delving into the world of modelling (you're welcome.), to find fine specimen for you to fawn over for just a moment. I figure it'll be equally useful if my entry is total horseshit. That way, you'll leave with at least a happy thought.
I've sort of weened it in a couple of entries ago, with Candice Swanepoel.
This time, I'll leave you with this one. I'll even include her name, for further research. You're welcome.
Lais Ribeiro. You know ... I could have included boobies, but I'd have to change the setting of this blog to NSFW. You have the name, you search the boobies. It would be well worth your time too.
If this is something you don't want me to continue ... fuck it man, you don't know the hardships I've had to endure searching for the pretty ones.
~Delrihuzz
Friday, 27 June 2014
Cup cup cup cup
This is kind of random.
I've actually found out WWE's youtube channel is like, available to me. No longer are the videos blocked so I can actually keep tabs on what's happening.
And still I didn't. Not much anyway.
I heard the Shield broke up, with Rollins turning on the others. Very nice. With all the reports coming out of the office riding the Roman Reigns Train, it kind of left the fate of the other two guys up in the air.
While Rollins isn't a massively good talker, I can imagine him pulling off the asshole persona. It doesn't take much when you side with Triple H anyway, so I'm pretty sure he'll be doing ok in the near future. He'll probably end up doing a program with Batista when that fucker returns. Eh ... if it keeps Rollins on tv, I'll endure it.
Reigns is obviously pencilled in for a run with the big boys, before being unceremoniously buried by John Cena later this year. I can live with that.
Ambrose on the other hand was a bit of a toss up, but for what I've seen, it looks like Dean Ambrose sort of died and Jon Moxley was reborn. Having seen some of his indy stuff, I'm pretty sure it will make for some interesting character developments.
Just in bullet points:
- psychopath
- CZW mainstay (not usually in someone's favour)
- generally batshit attitude.
Me gusta mucho.
Hoping to see more of the Wyatt family still. WWE has the reputation of breaking tag teams/factions up too early and thereby fucking over its tag division, but I'm gamblin on a nice run for them. Eventually, all three could be big players ... though Bray seems to have to be happy getting buried by Cena.
Love Brodie Lee, or Luke Harper, so I'm hoping his size and agility will land him a nice spot on the roster. That big boot of his takes faces off. I want to see it happen properly in high def.
ALLLLLSSSSOOOOO
Being European, I can't really ignore the World Cup Football (yes, not soccer. Fuck all y'all). We've been doing pretty well so far. We made it through to the knockout round where we'll be defeating the USA after a piss-poor match that undeservedly swings in our favour at the very end. I'm positive it will happen since that's how we won our last two games.
Otherwise, it's kind of funny seeing all of the perceived top teams getting eliminated so early on. Especially Spain, since I've felt they weren't supposed to win last time. I'm still convinced Iniesta was offside on that goal. Either way, Holland got 'em good.
I can't really say who's gonna win. Germany has a fair shake I presume. I don't see Belgium winning, because realisically we can't keep skirting on lucky shots like this. Unless they actually start to play football instead of accidentally getting the ball and running with it, I'll value our chances slightly higher. Until then, my money is (figuratively) on Holland/Germany or Brazil.
Ahem, any topics you want me to rant about are always welcome in the comments or on the tweeter. Pick a good ranting subject. So no quantum physics, k?
Love*
~D.
*very cynically typed.
I've actually found out WWE's youtube channel is like, available to me. No longer are the videos blocked so I can actually keep tabs on what's happening.
And still I didn't. Not much anyway.
I heard the Shield broke up, with Rollins turning on the others. Very nice. With all the reports coming out of the office riding the Roman Reigns Train, it kind of left the fate of the other two guys up in the air.
While Rollins isn't a massively good talker, I can imagine him pulling off the asshole persona. It doesn't take much when you side with Triple H anyway, so I'm pretty sure he'll be doing ok in the near future. He'll probably end up doing a program with Batista when that fucker returns. Eh ... if it keeps Rollins on tv, I'll endure it.
Reigns is obviously pencilled in for a run with the big boys, before being unceremoniously buried by John Cena later this year. I can live with that.
Ambrose on the other hand was a bit of a toss up, but for what I've seen, it looks like Dean Ambrose sort of died and Jon Moxley was reborn. Having seen some of his indy stuff, I'm pretty sure it will make for some interesting character developments.
Just in bullet points:
- psychopath
- CZW mainstay (not usually in someone's favour)
- generally batshit attitude.
Me gusta mucho.
Hoping to see more of the Wyatt family still. WWE has the reputation of breaking tag teams/factions up too early and thereby fucking over its tag division, but I'm gamblin on a nice run for them. Eventually, all three could be big players ... though Bray seems to have to be happy getting buried by Cena.
Love Brodie Lee, or Luke Harper, so I'm hoping his size and agility will land him a nice spot on the roster. That big boot of his takes faces off. I want to see it happen properly in high def.
ALLLLLSSSSOOOOO
Being European, I can't really ignore the World Cup Football (yes, not soccer. Fuck all y'all). We've been doing pretty well so far. We made it through to the knockout round where we'll be defeating the USA after a piss-poor match that undeservedly swings in our favour at the very end. I'm positive it will happen since that's how we won our last two games.
Otherwise, it's kind of funny seeing all of the perceived top teams getting eliminated so early on. Especially Spain, since I've felt they weren't supposed to win last time. I'm still convinced Iniesta was offside on that goal. Either way, Holland got 'em good.
I can't really say who's gonna win. Germany has a fair shake I presume. I don't see Belgium winning, because realisically we can't keep skirting on lucky shots like this. Unless they actually start to play football instead of accidentally getting the ball and running with it, I'll value our chances slightly higher. Until then, my money is (figuratively) on Holland/Germany or Brazil.
Ahem, any topics you want me to rant about are always welcome in the comments or on the tweeter. Pick a good ranting subject. So no quantum physics, k?
Love*
~D.
*very cynically typed.
Monday, 2 June 2014
Serial watcher
Yaay! Something not related to wrestling!
Just as well, because I'm more and more feeling out of my depth talking about it, since I hardly follow the product anymore. A bit like Kim Kardashian trying to explain recent developments in quantum physics, to put it into an analogy.
I'm a media whore, truthfully. Every tv show that has an interesting premise will have a go. Thank you, "certain websites" for allowing me to keep up.
So, what do I watch? I love science fiction and comedy, or sci-fi with a flavour of comedy. Though I've started late on both, I've seen every episode of How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory. Both shows have known an incredible lull, but managed to pick up again later on. (Thankfully!)
I love the ending for HIMYM, which I won't spoil for those who haven't discovered the series yet. (Where the fuck have you been?). It's an unpopular opinion, considering the premise of the show pushed the plot in an opposite direction, but it was so wonderfully ballsy, that I can't help but admire it.
BBT on the other hand was a show I somewhat related to. I'm not as bright as these characters are, and I'm not into comic books and video games that much, but in terms of being an antisocial outcast, it rang especially true. While the original premise of the show has sort of faded away, it's still fun to watch in a mindless fashion. A bit like pro wrestling in that regard, with the exception that BBT still entertains.
As stated above, I do like science fiction. You won't catch me at conventions, dressed like a character from some obscure tv show, because frankly, that's just weird. If you're into that, more power to you, but seriously ...
A popular show amongst cosplayers is Doctor Who. Naturally, a slightly tacky show that's been around for 50 years from 1963-1989 and again from 2005 to the present day. I won't get into the specifics, except that there's an alien that looks human, travels in a 1950's British police box throughout space and time. The role has been played (canonically) by 13 actors since its inception and is probably now as popular as it's ever been.
Series 8 of the current run will debut in August, so that gives you time to watch each episode from 2005's pilot "Rose" onward before it begins, with Peter Capaldi playing the titular character. Go on, DO EET!
Another show I really like, or should say "liked" was Warehouse 13. A Syfy original series about a bunch of secret service agents collecting items with a historical meaning that have gained extroardinary properties. I'll go more in depth on the final season at the end of this entry. It had a bit of a lull midway through, but ended on a high note. I'm immensely sad it has ended now. The potential was, as ever, limitless.
Mondays have been particularly fruitful this past season, since besides WH13, there was also Being Human, Castle, The Tomorrow People, Agents of SHIELD and HIMYM.
Being Human got canned too, which was strangely enough for the best. They had been slowly running out of story ideas (at least in my mind) and it ended perfectly. Imagine though, a vampire, werewolf and a ghost living together in a house, trying to lead a normal life and evidently failing. It was surprisingly heavy.
Not to mention it is a remake of a BBC series, and did the unthinkable. It outclasses the original in every way.
The Tomorrow People lasted all of one season before getting shitcanned. Truthfully, I watched it for Mark Pellegrino, who is totally awesome in every role he has ever played. He also played the chief vampire in Being Human, so I knew how awesome he was. Even though the Tomorrow People was entertaining, it left a lot to be desired. No surprise it got canned.
Castle is something else. While not every season has been as enjoyable, it's still a good show. Starring Nathan Fillion in the title role (who can seriously do no wrong in my eyes) as a good natured writer trying to make a partnership work with a hardass female cop who becomes the inspiration for the lead character in his book series. The result of that partnership is a given, but it hasn't really descended into the mushy shtick you'd come to expect. Season 6 is now over, and it has been renewed for a seventh season so yay!
Also, if you like Nathan Fillion, watch him in Firefly, seriously. It's Joss Whedon's best work and even though it has only lasted a season and a feature film, its cult status is entirely justified.
Speaking of Joss Whedon, he also created Marvel's Agents of SHIELD alongside a handful of people. Having been a Marvel fanboy since the mid-90's, I was very pleased. I stuck with it, even though it became hard early on. Though, after it picked up some steam in the latter half, it became incessantly awesome.
On top of that, some episodes tie in with the Marvel movies like Thor 2 and Cap 2. If you plan on watching it later on, stick with it throughout those first couple of episodes. Just keep THIS in mind.
Tuesdays are also NCIS days. I don't care for the LA version, but the original is still pretty damn fantastic. Eleven seasons and counting, still entertaining. It's a show that glorifies war, and gives Republicans boners like no other, but looking past that, it's simply a good show.
A series I've recently started watched is one co-produced by BBC and Starz network. After the highly successful (though critically panned) Torchwood: Miracle Day, they put their shoulders under a fictionalized version of Leonardo Da Vinci in Da Vinci's demons. The second season ended literally a couple of days ago, but I'm liking it. I'm still only midway through the second season, trying to spread it out a bit to make the wait for season 3 (slated for 2015) a little easier.
It's glorified, filled to the brim with anachronisms and otherwise historical inaccuracies (artistic liberties for the win!) but it's gloriously well acted and also tits. Seriously, the first minute into the pilot, there are tits. Now, as a big fan of tits, that's a good indication.
And it doesn't stop there! The male nudity in almost equal measure is something you'll have to endure along the way. Highly recommended so far!
Another one of those series is Black Sails. Who dun like pirates n' shit? I've seen the pilot, but I'll leave it for a little later, though.
Breaking Bad. Of course it's great. I've managed to get through the first season, but it's heavy stuff, so I'll get to the rest gradually.
Now, Warehouse 13. The final season. Honestly, I'm glad we even got those six episodes, but it feels like a cop out. The show has always been great, except for the aforementioned lull, but since production costs are exorbitantly high, it's tricky to keep it on the air. Either way, we got 4 and a half seasons out of it, and the cast got to say goodbye in a fine manner.
Of course, having the incomparable Anthony Head kick off your final season as the villain is a great way to start for any show. Managing to write back Mark Sheppard(!!!) into the fold is even better. The characters that needed some more closure ended up getting it, so it was a good way to go.
The Renaissance fair episode though ... if you have six episodes, don't do fillers. Though possibly the next episode, the infamous "Telenovela" episode, was even worse. But since that episode is half in Spanish and quite camp, it was mindless fun. Also, props for referencing Harvey Korman.
The ending to the show was actually pretty perfect. That's all I will say. I'll probably end up rewatching the entire run after I'm done with Da Vinci's Demons.
Also, very excited for the return of Heroes in 2015. Even though it's a miniseries, it's with a new cast, so that means there won't be any Hayden Panettiere stinking up the place. She was always a weak link in the original run (and of course she and the guy that played her dad were the only ones that have been in every fucking episode).
Anyways, if there are tv show suggestions, feel free to give them (and Sons of Anarchy is on my list, Tom :p)
~D.
Just as well, because I'm more and more feeling out of my depth talking about it, since I hardly follow the product anymore. A bit like Kim Kardashian trying to explain recent developments in quantum physics, to put it into an analogy.
I'm a media whore, truthfully. Every tv show that has an interesting premise will have a go. Thank you, "certain websites" for allowing me to keep up.
So, what do I watch? I love science fiction and comedy, or sci-fi with a flavour of comedy. Though I've started late on both, I've seen every episode of How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory. Both shows have known an incredible lull, but managed to pick up again later on. (Thankfully!)
I love the ending for HIMYM, which I won't spoil for those who haven't discovered the series yet. (Where the fuck have you been?). It's an unpopular opinion, considering the premise of the show pushed the plot in an opposite direction, but it was so wonderfully ballsy, that I can't help but admire it.
BBT on the other hand was a show I somewhat related to. I'm not as bright as these characters are, and I'm not into comic books and video games that much, but in terms of being an antisocial outcast, it rang especially true. While the original premise of the show has sort of faded away, it's still fun to watch in a mindless fashion. A bit like pro wrestling in that regard, with the exception that BBT still entertains.
As stated above, I do like science fiction. You won't catch me at conventions, dressed like a character from some obscure tv show, because frankly, that's just weird. If you're into that, more power to you, but seriously ...
A popular show amongst cosplayers is Doctor Who. Naturally, a slightly tacky show that's been around for 50 years from 1963-1989 and again from 2005 to the present day. I won't get into the specifics, except that there's an alien that looks human, travels in a 1950's British police box throughout space and time. The role has been played (canonically) by 13 actors since its inception and is probably now as popular as it's ever been.
Series 8 of the current run will debut in August, so that gives you time to watch each episode from 2005's pilot "Rose" onward before it begins, with Peter Capaldi playing the titular character. Go on, DO EET!
Another show I really like, or should say "liked" was Warehouse 13. A Syfy original series about a bunch of secret service agents collecting items with a historical meaning that have gained extroardinary properties. I'll go more in depth on the final season at the end of this entry. It had a bit of a lull midway through, but ended on a high note. I'm immensely sad it has ended now. The potential was, as ever, limitless.
Mondays have been particularly fruitful this past season, since besides WH13, there was also Being Human, Castle, The Tomorrow People, Agents of SHIELD and HIMYM.
Being Human got canned too, which was strangely enough for the best. They had been slowly running out of story ideas (at least in my mind) and it ended perfectly. Imagine though, a vampire, werewolf and a ghost living together in a house, trying to lead a normal life and evidently failing. It was surprisingly heavy.
Not to mention it is a remake of a BBC series, and did the unthinkable. It outclasses the original in every way.
The Tomorrow People lasted all of one season before getting shitcanned. Truthfully, I watched it for Mark Pellegrino, who is totally awesome in every role he has ever played. He also played the chief vampire in Being Human, so I knew how awesome he was. Even though the Tomorrow People was entertaining, it left a lot to be desired. No surprise it got canned.
Castle is something else. While not every season has been as enjoyable, it's still a good show. Starring Nathan Fillion in the title role (who can seriously do no wrong in my eyes) as a good natured writer trying to make a partnership work with a hardass female cop who becomes the inspiration for the lead character in his book series. The result of that partnership is a given, but it hasn't really descended into the mushy shtick you'd come to expect. Season 6 is now over, and it has been renewed for a seventh season so yay!
Also, if you like Nathan Fillion, watch him in Firefly, seriously. It's Joss Whedon's best work and even though it has only lasted a season and a feature film, its cult status is entirely justified.
Speaking of Joss Whedon, he also created Marvel's Agents of SHIELD alongside a handful of people. Having been a Marvel fanboy since the mid-90's, I was very pleased. I stuck with it, even though it became hard early on. Though, after it picked up some steam in the latter half, it became incessantly awesome.
On top of that, some episodes tie in with the Marvel movies like Thor 2 and Cap 2. If you plan on watching it later on, stick with it throughout those first couple of episodes. Just keep THIS in mind.
Tuesdays are also NCIS days. I don't care for the LA version, but the original is still pretty damn fantastic. Eleven seasons and counting, still entertaining. It's a show that glorifies war, and gives Republicans boners like no other, but looking past that, it's simply a good show.
A series I've recently started watched is one co-produced by BBC and Starz network. After the highly successful (though critically panned) Torchwood: Miracle Day, they put their shoulders under a fictionalized version of Leonardo Da Vinci in Da Vinci's demons. The second season ended literally a couple of days ago, but I'm liking it. I'm still only midway through the second season, trying to spread it out a bit to make the wait for season 3 (slated for 2015) a little easier.
It's glorified, filled to the brim with anachronisms and otherwise historical inaccuracies (artistic liberties for the win!) but it's gloriously well acted and also tits. Seriously, the first minute into the pilot, there are tits. Now, as a big fan of tits, that's a good indication.
And it doesn't stop there! The male nudity in almost equal measure is something you'll have to endure along the way. Highly recommended so far!
Another one of those series is Black Sails. Who dun like pirates n' shit? I've seen the pilot, but I'll leave it for a little later, though.
Breaking Bad. Of course it's great. I've managed to get through the first season, but it's heavy stuff, so I'll get to the rest gradually.
Now, Warehouse 13. The final season. Honestly, I'm glad we even got those six episodes, but it feels like a cop out. The show has always been great, except for the aforementioned lull, but since production costs are exorbitantly high, it's tricky to keep it on the air. Either way, we got 4 and a half seasons out of it, and the cast got to say goodbye in a fine manner.
Of course, having the incomparable Anthony Head kick off your final season as the villain is a great way to start for any show. Managing to write back Mark Sheppard(!!!) into the fold is even better. The characters that needed some more closure ended up getting it, so it was a good way to go.
The Renaissance fair episode though ... if you have six episodes, don't do fillers. Though possibly the next episode, the infamous "Telenovela" episode, was even worse. But since that episode is half in Spanish and quite camp, it was mindless fun. Also, props for referencing Harvey Korman.
The ending to the show was actually pretty perfect. That's all I will say. I'll probably end up rewatching the entire run after I'm done with Da Vinci's Demons.
Also, very excited for the return of Heroes in 2015. Even though it's a miniseries, it's with a new cast, so that means there won't be any Hayden Panettiere stinking up the place. She was always a weak link in the original run (and of course she and the guy that played her dad were the only ones that have been in every fucking episode).
Anyways, if there are tv show suggestions, feel free to give them (and Sons of Anarchy is on my list, Tom :p)
~D.
Saturday, 31 May 2014
Ah-one, Ah-choo, Ah-Three ... *diddle diddle*
Buenas nachos, amigos
It's as good a time as any to write an ass-backwards entry. Normally, I'd wait for a topic suggestion from my dearest amigo Tom, but there's this one specific topic that popped into my head last night that I felt had to be addressed in some way.
While throughout the course of this entry, you may feel as if I'm pissing vinegar. In that case, you can go and fornicate yourself. You read the entry so it's your own time you're wasting away. HAHA, jokes on you :p
Music, eh. Has it ever occurred to you how much less important entrance music has become? Sure, it's still being used to introduce every wrestler and diva, but let's be fair, it lack the flair that it used to.
What's the current crop of superstars and divas using? Generic radio-rock or some R&B poppish song that nobody really remembers.
Harking back to even just a decade ago, music played such an important role. Almost each theme was instantly recognisable and able to be linked to a certain wrestler. Compare that to now, where Wade Barrett's theme is playing and it very well might be Justin Gabriel (is that guy still employed actually?). Point is, it's no longer a point of recognition. That might even explain the lack of a pop when someone comes out.
The problem is that they let go of Jim Johnston. A move I simply don't understand. He has created inarguably the best music that ever appeared on WWF/-E programming. Every WWF theme you've ever loved came from his fingers.
In between letting go of Jim Johnston and hiring a company to produce the music, there was a massive surge of radio rock themes. All kinds of Nickelback clones jumping at the opportunity to produce a theme song for the flavor of the day, often with disastrous results. Randy Orton's theme anyone? Lord, how I hate that theme. "BLAAARGARGHI hear voices in my head ..." - Yeah, so do I, and I don't like what I'm hearing.
That brings me to the next point. Lyrics are generally not done, unless they are minimal (Vader, Val Venis, Ted DiBiase, Kurt Angle's "You Suck"-theme...). It works in some cases (Christian), but very rarely.
All I'm saying is that the in-house produced themes are generally more memorable. Frequently because of a point of recognition in the very beginning. Stone Cold's shattering of glass, Mankind/Mick Foley's car crash, Dudley Boyz' rocket ... Eliminate that and it becomes a lot less memorable. Cult of Personality is memorable, as is the Shield's theme. They have that point of recognition.
It's something that TNA did right. Just let their in-house composer Dale Oliver rip off tunes, altering them enough to not get sued by said artists and Bob's your uncle. I don't know what it's like now, but I imagine not much has changed, considering TNA's not all too blossoming financial stability, they won't likely buy the rights to any existing song.
Still though, WCW music pwns all.
I also realise I'm probably the first person on this planet who has used "pwns" in 2014. Hah.
Random musing: Punk left and retired. Ah well. It was probably best for him anyway. With D-Bry firmly planting himself in the main event for now, Cena still not going anywhere and Cesaro/Roman Reigns being groomed to move upwards ... he probably would've wasted his time anyway. More power to him, enjoy your freedom Phil.
I haven't watched Legends House yet, and I'm not sure if I should altogether. Although, that pretty much means I have no viable excuse to watch Total Divas ... which I do watch, still frantically trying to find out why.
Ok, so this has turned out to be a not so very interesting entry. If you held it out this far, you deserve a reward. So, I'll leave you with this picture of a person that Maxim magazine readers think is the hottest woman on the planet: Candice Swanepoel.
And they have good taste. Enjoy!
~D.
It's as good a time as any to write an ass-backwards entry. Normally, I'd wait for a topic suggestion from my dearest amigo Tom, but there's this one specific topic that popped into my head last night that I felt had to be addressed in some way.
While throughout the course of this entry, you may feel as if I'm pissing vinegar. In that case, you can go and fornicate yourself. You read the entry so it's your own time you're wasting away. HAHA, jokes on you :p
Music, eh. Has it ever occurred to you how much less important entrance music has become? Sure, it's still being used to introduce every wrestler and diva, but let's be fair, it lack the flair that it used to.
What's the current crop of superstars and divas using? Generic radio-rock or some R&B poppish song that nobody really remembers.
Harking back to even just a decade ago, music played such an important role. Almost each theme was instantly recognisable and able to be linked to a certain wrestler. Compare that to now, where Wade Barrett's theme is playing and it very well might be Justin Gabriel (is that guy still employed actually?). Point is, it's no longer a point of recognition. That might even explain the lack of a pop when someone comes out.
The problem is that they let go of Jim Johnston. A move I simply don't understand. He has created inarguably the best music that ever appeared on WWF/-E programming. Every WWF theme you've ever loved came from his fingers.
In between letting go of Jim Johnston and hiring a company to produce the music, there was a massive surge of radio rock themes. All kinds of Nickelback clones jumping at the opportunity to produce a theme song for the flavor of the day, often with disastrous results. Randy Orton's theme anyone? Lord, how I hate that theme. "BLAAARGARGHI hear voices in my head ..." - Yeah, so do I, and I don't like what I'm hearing.
That brings me to the next point. Lyrics are generally not done, unless they are minimal (Vader, Val Venis, Ted DiBiase, Kurt Angle's "You Suck"-theme...). It works in some cases (Christian), but very rarely.
All I'm saying is that the in-house produced themes are generally more memorable. Frequently because of a point of recognition in the very beginning. Stone Cold's shattering of glass, Mankind/Mick Foley's car crash, Dudley Boyz' rocket ... Eliminate that and it becomes a lot less memorable. Cult of Personality is memorable, as is the Shield's theme. They have that point of recognition.
It's something that TNA did right. Just let their in-house composer Dale Oliver rip off tunes, altering them enough to not get sued by said artists and Bob's your uncle. I don't know what it's like now, but I imagine not much has changed, considering TNA's not all too blossoming financial stability, they won't likely buy the rights to any existing song.
Still though, WCW music pwns all.
I also realise I'm probably the first person on this planet who has used "pwns" in 2014. Hah.
Random musing: Punk left and retired. Ah well. It was probably best for him anyway. With D-Bry firmly planting himself in the main event for now, Cena still not going anywhere and Cesaro/Roman Reigns being groomed to move upwards ... he probably would've wasted his time anyway. More power to him, enjoy your freedom Phil.
I haven't watched Legends House yet, and I'm not sure if I should altogether. Although, that pretty much means I have no viable excuse to watch Total Divas ... which I do watch, still frantically trying to find out why.
Ok, so this has turned out to be a not so very interesting entry. If you held it out this far, you deserve a reward. So, I'll leave you with this picture of a person that Maxim magazine readers think is the hottest woman on the planet: Candice Swanepoel. And they have good taste. Enjoy!
~D.
Monday, 7 April 2014
Thoughts on 'Mania 30
SPOILERS AHEAD, AS IF YOU HADN'T FIGURED THAT OUT.
Hello
Imagine my surprise when I completely forgot that 'Mania was taking place on the 6th. I didn't plan on watching it, so it didn't matter after all.
I did sift through it earlier today. Surprisingly, it was a pretty solid show.
The pre-show saw the Usos take on three teams in a four way battle royal for the tag belts. Nothing spectacular whatsoever, unless it is used as a vehicle to break up a tag team where one competitor is about to go totally over as a solid face. Guess what ...
Indeedio, The Real Americans broke up, with Cesaro big swinging Sylvester The Cat away. No one should be surprised, considering this has been teased for quite a while. And I don't even watch the product regularly.
I wonder why Ryback is still there. He's the archetypical guy Vince loves, but he's stuck in tag team competition (that term is used loosely) whereas two slender guys, who have been IWC darlings most of their careers are going over like it's nothing (ie. Cesaro and Bryan). Is this Valhalla? Probably not.
Pre show over, cue opening segment.
Out comes Hogan. My time is in high risk of being wasted. Three sentences later, my mind changes. He already fucks up by getting the name of the arena wrong. It's probably in huge lettering on the front. How can you not see that? Out comes Stone Cold, he mocks Hogan for fucking up. Kissing of the Ass ensues. Catchphrases thrown around like birth control pills at a cheerleading retreat. Then out comes Rocky, to the surprise of the audience. More mocking of Hogan's fuck up (I can't stress how much joy that brings me). More kissing ass, more catchphrases. Ultimate catchphrases to end the segment. I'm not sure why I watched the whole thing. Ding Ding Ding.
Out comes Steph, dressed like Ellen Degeneres. Out next comes Shao Kahn. Oh wait, that's a shovel he's carrying, not a hammer. Must be Aitch Aitch Aitch. Big ass intro for the king of kings. Then there's Bryan. Epic music as usual, not so spectacular entrance.
Because he doesn't need one. Match starts off typical. Trips focuses heavily on the "injured" arm of D-Bry.
Bryan gets some good shots in. Trips has apparently trained with Bryan a bit. I've never seen him chainwrestle until now. German suplexes? The world has gone mad. Obligatory close calls until the out of the blue finish. D-Bry wins, gets beaten up some more, goes to the world title match later in the show. Goodie.
For some reason though, Triple H came out of this match looking very strong. Curious how he has to take the spotlight, even when he's all but retired.
Shield vs Kane/NAO
Short, meaningless match. Good thing too. The last thing you want to do is waste valuable match time on this.
Tiem for the André the Giant memorial extravaganza. 31 people in the ring? Chaotic is the proper word. Some nice spots left and right. Sheamus doing the 30 chops of Wrestlemania on Fandango before eliminating him. Kofi's pretty spectacular aim before being eliminated anyway. Eventually ends with Cesaro (him again? Him again!) hoisting Big show on his shoulder and tossing him out. Cesaro is over. Goodie.
John Cena is up next, so I'll save everyone the time. Of course he wins. Hopefully Bray Wyatt and his forest cult goons haven't lost all momentum now and fade into obscurity. That would be a shame. I skipped the match of course, so I can't say if it was an impressive showing.
The annual certainty is up. The certainty being that I wonder if Taker is still able to walk to that ring. 25 minute match with Taker getting a close win. Ding Ding Ding wait ... *record scratch soundbyte* Cheering Heyman, people in the audience shocked beyond belief? <sassy black girl voice> Oh no, they di'n't</sassy black girl voice>
Here's the unpopular opinion. I think it's a good thing. Taker can finally say goodbye (we all know he seriously needs it). He isn't pressured to continue the streak and it's not like he needed to anyway. His legacy is cemented now. If I had money to spare, I'm guessing he's getting inducted into the HOF next year. No more matches, just a recognition of his legacy at WM and beyond. Then call it a day.
While I'm not particularly happy it ended up being Lesnar, I'm glad it's not Cena or Batista that did it.
After the shock and awe, some lighthearted romp. Diva invitational. lots of kicking about, I presume. AJ wins anyway. I don't care either way.
Main event tiem! Orton vs Batista vs D-Bry (Him again? Him again!) for the WWE World Heavyweight Regional Play-off championship title. I fucking love how this turned out to be a vehicle for Daniel Bryan to become the top dog. Orton and Batista are made to look like shit, losing to a guy that already had an half hour match, "injured". Especially since Batista was the one tapping. Show ends with droves of confetti and D-Bry holding two titles aloft. All was well.
Short note on the Hall of Fame ceremony. Jake the Snake had easily the most heartfelt of speeches. Good to see he's doing well now. Also, very classy to have Taker come out and show respect to his trusted manager without breaking character.
Also, one of his sons did a dead on impression of his father's well known phrase. Fucking eerie.
On the most side of notes: While I took the previous season of Total Divas for the light hearted spectacle it was... it's getting seriously on my nerves now.
~D.
Hello
Imagine my surprise when I completely forgot that 'Mania was taking place on the 6th. I didn't plan on watching it, so it didn't matter after all.
I did sift through it earlier today. Surprisingly, it was a pretty solid show.
The pre-show saw the Usos take on three teams in a four way battle royal for the tag belts. Nothing spectacular whatsoever, unless it is used as a vehicle to break up a tag team where one competitor is about to go totally over as a solid face. Guess what ...
Indeedio, The Real Americans broke up, with Cesaro big swinging Sylvester The Cat away. No one should be surprised, considering this has been teased for quite a while. And I don't even watch the product regularly.
I wonder why Ryback is still there. He's the archetypical guy Vince loves, but he's stuck in tag team competition (that term is used loosely) whereas two slender guys, who have been IWC darlings most of their careers are going over like it's nothing (ie. Cesaro and Bryan). Is this Valhalla? Probably not.
Pre show over, cue opening segment.
Out comes Hogan. My time is in high risk of being wasted. Three sentences later, my mind changes. He already fucks up by getting the name of the arena wrong. It's probably in huge lettering on the front. How can you not see that? Out comes Stone Cold, he mocks Hogan for fucking up. Kissing of the Ass ensues. Catchphrases thrown around like birth control pills at a cheerleading retreat. Then out comes Rocky, to the surprise of the audience. More mocking of Hogan's fuck up (I can't stress how much joy that brings me). More kissing ass, more catchphrases. Ultimate catchphrases to end the segment. I'm not sure why I watched the whole thing. Ding Ding Ding.
Out comes Steph, dressed like Ellen Degeneres. Out next comes Shao Kahn. Oh wait, that's a shovel he's carrying, not a hammer. Must be Aitch Aitch Aitch. Big ass intro for the king of kings. Then there's Bryan. Epic music as usual, not so spectacular entrance.
Because he doesn't need one. Match starts off typical. Trips focuses heavily on the "injured" arm of D-Bry.
Bryan gets some good shots in. Trips has apparently trained with Bryan a bit. I've never seen him chainwrestle until now. German suplexes? The world has gone mad. Obligatory close calls until the out of the blue finish. D-Bry wins, gets beaten up some more, goes to the world title match later in the show. Goodie.
For some reason though, Triple H came out of this match looking very strong. Curious how he has to take the spotlight, even when he's all but retired.
Shield vs Kane/NAO
Short, meaningless match. Good thing too. The last thing you want to do is waste valuable match time on this.
Tiem for the André the Giant memorial extravaganza. 31 people in the ring? Chaotic is the proper word. Some nice spots left and right. Sheamus doing the 30 chops of Wrestlemania on Fandango before eliminating him. Kofi's pretty spectacular aim before being eliminated anyway. Eventually ends with Cesaro (him again? Him again!) hoisting Big show on his shoulder and tossing him out. Cesaro is over. Goodie.
John Cena is up next, so I'll save everyone the time. Of course he wins. Hopefully Bray Wyatt and his forest cult goons haven't lost all momentum now and fade into obscurity. That would be a shame. I skipped the match of course, so I can't say if it was an impressive showing.
The annual certainty is up. The certainty being that I wonder if Taker is still able to walk to that ring. 25 minute match with Taker getting a close win. Ding Ding Ding wait ... *record scratch soundbyte* Cheering Heyman, people in the audience shocked beyond belief? <sassy black girl voice> Oh no, they di'n't</sassy black girl voice>
Here's the unpopular opinion. I think it's a good thing. Taker can finally say goodbye (we all know he seriously needs it). He isn't pressured to continue the streak and it's not like he needed to anyway. His legacy is cemented now. If I had money to spare, I'm guessing he's getting inducted into the HOF next year. No more matches, just a recognition of his legacy at WM and beyond. Then call it a day.
While I'm not particularly happy it ended up being Lesnar, I'm glad it's not Cena or Batista that did it.
After the shock and awe, some lighthearted romp. Diva invitational. lots of kicking about, I presume. AJ wins anyway. I don't care either way.
Main event tiem! Orton vs Batista vs D-Bry (Him again? Him again!) for the WWE World Heavyweight Regional Play-off championship title. I fucking love how this turned out to be a vehicle for Daniel Bryan to become the top dog. Orton and Batista are made to look like shit, losing to a guy that already had an half hour match, "injured". Especially since Batista was the one tapping. Show ends with droves of confetti and D-Bry holding two titles aloft. All was well.
Short note on the Hall of Fame ceremony. Jake the Snake had easily the most heartfelt of speeches. Good to see he's doing well now. Also, very classy to have Taker come out and show respect to his trusted manager without breaking character.
Also, one of his sons did a dead on impression of his father's well known phrase. Fucking eerie.
On the most side of notes: While I took the previous season of Total Divas for the light hearted spectacle it was... it's getting seriously on my nerves now.
~D.
Tuesday, 25 February 2014
People I wish would just fuck off already
Well, if you want me to do an entry on who is grossly overrated, coming up with an apt title is no mean feat. So why not put it plainly instead. I'm no fucking poet, so there :p
The last entry detailed who I consider to be/have been underrated. There weren't any real surprises there. Don't kid yourself, this one won't either.
So let's kick off with the king of being absolutely fucking terrible.
Randy Orton. Haha, didn't think he'd be number 1 huh?
In any event, he should be. He's quite possibly the most overall boring human being to step into the ring. I'm even including Bob Backlund. If I had to make an analogy for Orton, I'd best compare him to a white picket fence. Rigid, dull and overdone. Give the man a mic and he lulls more audiences to sleep than the average "indiepop" group (something else I despise to my very core). On top of that, his matches are dull in equal measure. He's responsible for 99% of the chin-/headlocks performed since the dawn of time for fucks sake.
You know, he has a finisher with the added effect of being able to come out of nowhere and it still doesn't make his matches exciting. And his theme fucking sucks balls.
I often wondered why WWE creative has put on the "Orton versus Cena" so many times. Thinking about that, it's so plainly obvious that it's the only way to make Cena seem downright entertaining. Two biggest stars of the company, a surefire draw. Fuck that shit. Orton makes Cena look like a supremely talented individual.
John Cena is still next on the list, though. You can make a case for the man's work ethic, which I won't knock. It's undeniable that he's the hardest working guy in the business today, but to make him worthy for the umpteenth world title reign is downright ridiculous. Face it, he's simply not that good. The reason he's not number 1 on this list is because he had a good gimmick ten years ago and does the occasionally good promo (when he's not painfully PG; remember "poopiehead"?).
Unlike Orton, Cena can have MOTY candidates. The thing is though, it requires someone supremely talented (Bryan, Punk,...) to carry his ass through 30 minutes of tv time. Against someone who is not used to calling the play, it's like you're watching 20 Cena matches in one.
The wrestling business is odd, it's one of the few businesses where success relates to how much you suck at your job. The music business is the other one. He has a strange appeal with kids though. Perhaps when his career is finally over, he can do workshops for the catholic church.
I think I crossed the line there. Ah, if TNA can do it...
Also, that theme ... for fucks sake. Get rid of it...
Any Bella. It's not a far stretch from Cena to the Bella twins. Something that irked me immensely watching Total Divas (besides you know, the story) is that the Bellas are considered "veterans". They officially debuted in August of 2008 (I had to look that up). That means they've been in the business for 6 years (also counting the year they fucked off). Since when does having irregular matches over the span of 6 years make you a veteran? I reckon you'll have to have had at least one good match.
The current crop of divas isn't particularly untalented. That the Bella twins are considered the "be all, end all" of televised women's wrestling is slightly worrying. Good to see AJ Lee holding onto the belt for such a long time.
I long for simpler times, when the Bellas were only used to keep the guest hosts company. Everyone has their forté, no?
Dave Batista
The first in a long line of Goldberg clones. There's something to be said about this guy. That "something" is the political powerhouse that Triple H is. Batista is the kind of guy whose career is simply baffling. Back in the day, in WWE's developmental territory OVW, Dave Batista was ONLY used for run-ins to build his character, because they didn't trust him in full matches. How did that guy become a world champion multiple times?
Of course, him being Triple H's protegé is the main reason. He could very well have been Nathan Jones or Daniel Puder. If Trips had chosen one of them instead of Batista, "The Animal" would be an afterthought by now. Come to think of it, I would've preferred Nathan Jones.
He did get better on the mic at the tail end of his initial run in the WWE. But let's face it, whether it's shit on the floor or shit on velvet ... at the end of the day, it's still shit. Fuck, I was happy he got a starring role in a Marvel movie ... I figured he'd make an appearance on RAW to promote it and that's that ... but nope. The fucker signs a two year deal to return full time. For fucks sake. And of course, he's main eventing Wrestlemania for the world title. There goes my hope for Cesaro-without-the-Antonio getting an opportunity. It's not possible that WWE is that desperate for WM buys. Really.
Also, Ryback is much of the same suckage. That's two Goldberg clones down in one hit. Woop woop.
That leaves one Goldberg ...
Much less blame on the WWE for this one though. This was WCW's run of overpromoting raw meat.
Physically imposing, check.
Angry face, check
Wrestling skill, ehhhh.
The match between Regal and Golberg remains a treat to watch in that respect. Regal starts actually wrestling in a squash and Goldberg is completely fucked. Brilliant. But seriously, the guy was undefeated for fuck knows how long. He sold merchandise like a motherfucker because of it (guilty, until recently, when I got rid of my Goldberg coffee mug. It was a gift, don't judge me). He sure as hell couldn't sell a story on the mic, though. Great for business (or not?), bad wrestling decision.
It's significant when the competitor introduces a parody of you, and it turns out the parody is actually a better wrestler. I miss Gillberg.
Speaking of WCW's poor booking decisions ...
Q: What do you get when you let Kevin Nash book your tv shows? A: A shitload of Kevin Nash on your tv.
It wouldn't be THAT bad. Kevin Nash could actually be entertaining. The problem is that the guy was entertaining on commentary and promos. Not the actual in-ring action. He was better than Goldberg, for sure, but that's not saying much. If anything at all. If you let that guy book himself in every other segment, you know it can't end well. And it didn't.
Jeff Hardy
Everyone's favourite drug addict. No seriously, everyone's fucking favourite. Why? No idea.
Here you have a guy who defended his employer's world title while piss drunk (TNA). Here you have a guy who got fired from a company that was ready to push him to the moon, because he refused to go to rehab. (WWE 1st time around). Here you have a guy that almost got sentenced to jail time because he got busted with enough drugs to kill half the WWE production crew. But hey, he jumps around like a crazy monkey so we cheer him.
Just don't let him talk. Ever.
No list of the shittiest wrestling personalities is complete without Vince Russo. He gets a lot of credit for ushering in the Attitude Era and writing legendary stuff, with Vince McMahon as the shit filter. Then he went to WCW, where that shit filter wasn't present. The full range of Russo insanity got a free run of the company. Guess who became World Champion, aside from David Arquette? Yep, Vince Russo. You know, a writer with no in-ring experience. And then, when you think he can't become much more of a dick ... he makes the biggest douchy dick move possible. He becomes a born-again christian. That's not wrestling-related. But it's noteworthy because born-again christians are the worst kind of christians ... actively preaching.
Hulk Hogan
Does this need saying? He's been doing the same shtick since the 80's. As far as I can tell, it wasn't entertaining then .. and it still isn't now. I don't care if you're the face of wrestling ... a 60 year old with a shoddy hip and knees and a giant ego doesn't belong in a wrestling ring. Period. But of course, while I write this, Hogan makes his long awaited return to WWE tv ... I wish he would just fuck off already.
~D.
The last entry detailed who I consider to be/have been underrated. There weren't any real surprises there. Don't kid yourself, this one won't either.
So let's kick off with the king of being absolutely fucking terrible.
Randy Orton. Haha, didn't think he'd be number 1 huh?
In any event, he should be. He's quite possibly the most overall boring human being to step into the ring. I'm even including Bob Backlund. If I had to make an analogy for Orton, I'd best compare him to a white picket fence. Rigid, dull and overdone. Give the man a mic and he lulls more audiences to sleep than the average "indiepop" group (something else I despise to my very core). On top of that, his matches are dull in equal measure. He's responsible for 99% of the chin-/headlocks performed since the dawn of time for fucks sake.
 |
| This was a couple of years ago. Things have not gotten better |
I often wondered why WWE creative has put on the "Orton versus Cena" so many times. Thinking about that, it's so plainly obvious that it's the only way to make Cena seem downright entertaining. Two biggest stars of the company, a surefire draw. Fuck that shit. Orton makes Cena look like a supremely talented individual.
John Cena is still next on the list, though. You can make a case for the man's work ethic, which I won't knock. It's undeniable that he's the hardest working guy in the business today, but to make him worthy for the umpteenth world title reign is downright ridiculous. Face it, he's simply not that good. The reason he's not number 1 on this list is because he had a good gimmick ten years ago and does the occasionally good promo (when he's not painfully PG; remember "poopiehead"?).
Unlike Orton, Cena can have MOTY candidates. The thing is though, it requires someone supremely talented (Bryan, Punk,...) to carry his ass through 30 minutes of tv time. Against someone who is not used to calling the play, it's like you're watching 20 Cena matches in one.
The wrestling business is odd, it's one of the few businesses where success relates to how much you suck at your job. The music business is the other one. He has a strange appeal with kids though. Perhaps when his career is finally over, he can do workshops for the catholic church.
I think I crossed the line there. Ah, if TNA can do it...
Also, that theme ... for fucks sake. Get rid of it...
Any Bella. It's not a far stretch from Cena to the Bella twins. Something that irked me immensely watching Total Divas (besides you know, the story) is that the Bellas are considered "veterans". They officially debuted in August of 2008 (I had to look that up). That means they've been in the business for 6 years (also counting the year they fucked off). Since when does having irregular matches over the span of 6 years make you a veteran? I reckon you'll have to have had at least one good match.
The current crop of divas isn't particularly untalented. That the Bella twins are considered the "be all, end all" of televised women's wrestling is slightly worrying. Good to see AJ Lee holding onto the belt for such a long time.
I long for simpler times, when the Bellas were only used to keep the guest hosts company. Everyone has their forté, no?
Dave Batista
The first in a long line of Goldberg clones. There's something to be said about this guy. That "something" is the political powerhouse that Triple H is. Batista is the kind of guy whose career is simply baffling. Back in the day, in WWE's developmental territory OVW, Dave Batista was ONLY used for run-ins to build his character, because they didn't trust him in full matches. How did that guy become a world champion multiple times?
Of course, him being Triple H's protegé is the main reason. He could very well have been Nathan Jones or Daniel Puder. If Trips had chosen one of them instead of Batista, "The Animal" would be an afterthought by now. Come to think of it, I would've preferred Nathan Jones.
He did get better on the mic at the tail end of his initial run in the WWE. But let's face it, whether it's shit on the floor or shit on velvet ... at the end of the day, it's still shit. Fuck, I was happy he got a starring role in a Marvel movie ... I figured he'd make an appearance on RAW to promote it and that's that ... but nope. The fucker signs a two year deal to return full time. For fucks sake. And of course, he's main eventing Wrestlemania for the world title. There goes my hope for Cesaro-without-the-Antonio getting an opportunity. It's not possible that WWE is that desperate for WM buys. Really.
Also, Ryback is much of the same suckage. That's two Goldberg clones down in one hit. Woop woop.
That leaves one Goldberg ...
Much less blame on the WWE for this one though. This was WCW's run of overpromoting raw meat.
Physically imposing, check.
Angry face, check
Wrestling skill, ehhhh.
The match between Regal and Golberg remains a treat to watch in that respect. Regal starts actually wrestling in a squash and Goldberg is completely fucked. Brilliant. But seriously, the guy was undefeated for fuck knows how long. He sold merchandise like a motherfucker because of it (guilty, until recently, when I got rid of my Goldberg coffee mug. It was a gift, don't judge me). He sure as hell couldn't sell a story on the mic, though. Great for business (or not?), bad wrestling decision.
It's significant when the competitor introduces a parody of you, and it turns out the parody is actually a better wrestler. I miss Gillberg.
Speaking of WCW's poor booking decisions ...
Q: What do you get when you let Kevin Nash book your tv shows? A: A shitload of Kevin Nash on your tv.
It wouldn't be THAT bad. Kevin Nash could actually be entertaining. The problem is that the guy was entertaining on commentary and promos. Not the actual in-ring action. He was better than Goldberg, for sure, but that's not saying much. If anything at all. If you let that guy book himself in every other segment, you know it can't end well. And it didn't.
Jeff Hardy
Everyone's favourite drug addict. No seriously, everyone's fucking favourite. Why? No idea.
Here you have a guy who defended his employer's world title while piss drunk (TNA). Here you have a guy who got fired from a company that was ready to push him to the moon, because he refused to go to rehab. (WWE 1st time around). Here you have a guy that almost got sentenced to jail time because he got busted with enough drugs to kill half the WWE production crew. But hey, he jumps around like a crazy monkey so we cheer him.
Just don't let him talk. Ever.
No list of the shittiest wrestling personalities is complete without Vince Russo. He gets a lot of credit for ushering in the Attitude Era and writing legendary stuff, with Vince McMahon as the shit filter. Then he went to WCW, where that shit filter wasn't present. The full range of Russo insanity got a free run of the company. Guess who became World Champion, aside from David Arquette? Yep, Vince Russo. You know, a writer with no in-ring experience. And then, when you think he can't become much more of a dick ... he makes the biggest douchy dick move possible. He becomes a born-again christian. That's not wrestling-related. But it's noteworthy because born-again christians are the worst kind of christians ... actively preaching.
Hulk Hogan
Does this need saying? He's been doing the same shtick since the 80's. As far as I can tell, it wasn't entertaining then .. and it still isn't now. I don't care if you're the face of wrestling ... a 60 year old with a shoddy hip and knees and a giant ego doesn't belong in a wrestling ring. Period. But of course, while I write this, Hogan makes his long awaited return to WWE tv ... I wish he would just fuck off already.
~D.
Thursday, 9 January 2014
The saga of missappreciation.
Hola
You know, there's a good chance you'll turn away from this entry considering I've been lacing every post with how I think some guys are genuinely left to rot while having the utmost of potential. Yadda, yadda. Thing is though, as I now work per requested topic, here goes.
I was asked to list a top 10 of superstars past and present who I felt has been misused and underappreciated. I spent days thinking of names (since I genuinely have nothing better to do except collecting unemployment) and while it was a hard task, I succeeded with merit. No problem with tooting my own horn from time to time. That's not even a euphemism.
I'm not going to go down the list and actually make a "top 10". I'll just do them in the order I've written them down. Yes, I actually prepare by making notes before entries. Anyway, before I veer off too much...
Christian
Well, no surprise, eh? Anyone who has read my blog at least once knows I have a huge (figurative) boner for Christian. When a fellow wrestling fan I know in person (rare in my neck of the woods) asked me who my favorite was, two names came up. Him and the guy that's next on the list. Almost ten years later and that hasn't changed. Imagine how frustrating it is for someone like me to constantly have to deal with him being passed over. Well, Vince, you're wrong and here's why.
Why not Christian? Does he lack ring psychology? Nope. He can sell a story. Is he terrible on the stick? Have you fucking heard him? I'll grant you the sometimes lame jokes, but from his first day away from The Brood, he's been entertaining audiences alongside Edge.
There's where it gets serious. Edge. They're the bestest and longest of friends and partners. Great, but it has held Christian back. Edge was always the breakout star of the pair. He debuted sooner, and Christian came in under Edge's wing. He was never taken seriously as a singles star after that. Wrongfully, I might add. Post E&C, Edge became a midcarder and Christian turned heel, first feuding with Edge, later dumped into a stable with (among others) Lance Storm. Then came Captain Charisma. The sheer idiocy of that gimmick was quickly explored (the super-hero costume) and he subsequently became a fan favorite despite all of it.
A Goldust story, if anything.
We've made it to 2005. That means a great year for the man as he decided to leave WWE and look for appreciation in TNA. And by golly, he got it. TNA actually gave the man the opportunity to be the face of the company (AND a last name!!). Whether that was because of his ability to do so or simply because he was a familiar face to wrestling fans (i.e. WWE reject) remains ambiguous for the sake of the story moving forward. He gets two title runs and an undefeated streak like a motherfucker until someone with more star power pops around (Kurt Angle that is). After that, the Instant Classic was sidetracked. The TNA way, I suppose (or the Carter way, more specifically). Get a bigger name, the rest can fuck off.
He held out until 2009 after which he returned "home". ECW? Well, at least he's on tv again. Despite Todd Grisham sucking the life out of his return with his deadpan "It's Christian..." and Matt Strikers not-so-vague reference to his TNA moniker, he was the face of the show about two weeks into his return. Then shit became hopelessly stale again and he was given no opportunity whatsoever.
Then Edge retired and Christian became the "best friend". He got to win Edge's vacated World Title only to lose it to Randy Orton (Randy FUCKING Orton?) 4 days later. No fair shake is what it is. That was the writing on the wall. I don't think he'll ever get the appreciation he deserves. He turned forty this past November. He should probably collect the money and call it a day. I fear it won't be getting any better.
Great, I've written a whole epic and I haven't even made it past the first name yet. Truth is, the rest'll be a might shorter.
William Regal
Evidented second choice. And you know why. Is there something this guy cannot do? Okay, maybe the "Real Man's Man" wasn't particularly convincing, but still. Make him heel and he will make people hate him with relative ease. Make him a comedic persona and he'll have people laugh. He fucking rapped! Multiple times!
Ask any guy who's on top right now about who they go to for advice and nine out of ten, the answer will be "Regal". His ring work is impeccable, and almost legendary. Legendary in the sense that he made Bill Goldberg his fucking bitch. He was supposed to be squashed in WCW but Regal kept the fucker going for ten minutes. While Regal did let himself get pinned, he was the real victor in that match. And he got fired for it. Because you know, getting a good match out of a talentless hack is unprofessional conduct, right?
Hopes for improvement in 2008 though, when the man manages to win King of the Ring with dirt sheets even reporting that the GM will actually have a run with the world title. My giant boner is excited by this time (equivalent to watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show in slow motion, ahem). Then he fucks it up himself. Fucking performance enhancing drugs. A world title is too far fetched, I'm afraid. It's done and over with. He's in a good position now though. Occasionally wrestling a match and for the most part just helping the young guys with undoubtedly great advice. Hopefully, it'll pay off. Look at Danielson.
Diamond Dallas Page
Can you feel the BANG!? I certainly could, before 2001. Page was a unique chap in the sense that he didn't wrestle until he was like 35. An age whereby most wrestlers are slowing down. Not Page, though. Despite being told he wouldn't make it, he fucking did it. World champ, extremely over with the fans (the genuine People's Champion I dare say). At one point, even a hot commodity in WCW. Then the buyout happened.
Vince, in his infinite lack of (creative) wisdom decided to utilize DDP as a stalker of Undertaker's then wife Sarah. It was his death warrant. Fucked over before he even got to it. Looking back though, DDP probably made more of himself after his active career than Vince ever could. DDP is now a guru, but the entrepreneurial kind who actually manages to do well for others. Just watch the video of the paratrooper who got severely injured on a mission. Through DDP's yoga, he's actually able to run again.
Then look at the accountability crib. He has taken in two of the most infamous guys in the business. Guys known for being unreliable due to their addictions. Guys he turned onto the right path, culminating partly in the events of last monday's RAW. Class of 2014? Make it happen, guys. He's earned his place among the greats.
Vader
Huh? Yeah. Fucking Vader. He's considered a WWE legend, right? But that's no thanks to WWE, at all. Vader is Vader because he made it happen in Japan and WCW. Where he was known for being stiff competition (pun completely intended). A guy who took a lariat from Stan Hansen, had his eye pop out of the socket and fucking finished the match regardless. That's simply Vader. In WWE, Vince wanted to rename him the Mastodon (it didn't happen thankfully) but he was turned into a jobber. The fact he's now considered a legend and has been given more opportunities in WWE post-career is a fucking joke. A 400 pound guy doing a moonsault? He did it. Sure, he was old school stiff, but you're not being a professional if you can't handle a stiff punch. I feel he always needed to earn more respect. Thankfully, he got it elsewhere at least.
Goldust
Surprising? He's being actively applauded these days. Thing is though...He was Dusty's first son to step into his father's shoes. He didn't have that eccentricity (at first) and he was always deemed "the son of".
Then Dustin got saddled with the Goldust character. The death of any man's chances at success. Not him though. Like so very few before him, he totally made it work. He achieved popularity because he no longer had that "Rhodes" name to hold him back. Sour grapes prevailed though, and he's been let go so many times, I've neglected to count. Now he's back in full force, teaming with half brother Cody and it seems like his younger sibling actually managed to give him some credibility backstage. He's earned it. To actually make the Goldust character popular as fuck is no mean feat. I don't expect him to have any further success as a singles competitor though.
Paul Heyman
His managerial skills are well documented and he's certainly used to his fullest potential. It's however his creativity that is greatly underappreciated. Put this man at the helm of any booking team and you are guaranteed success (the same could be said of Jim Cornette). The thing that holds Paul E. back is the fact that he's so vehemently against the grain that anyone would be mental to hire him. His exploits at ECW are well known. Creatively sound, financially a fucking mess. Eliminate the financial factor and you've got yourself one of the smartest bookers around. He'll end up in the Hall of Fame regardless, but it won't be for what he does best: the creative aspect.
Jake the Snake
The guy that either invented the DDT or popularized it. That's not the point however. His return last monday signified his inclusion on this list (kidding, he would've always been on it). The overwhelming factor here is that he pissed his own chances away. True. Jake had plenty of demons to combat. A battle he lost on many occasions. He was never taken seriously, and that was totally wrong.
Jake the Snake is one of the few brilliant minds in this business. Ring psychology is completely second nature to him. Ask Alex Shane who had the opportunity to witness that brilliance (so I've read once, it's why I picked him out).
Watch any interview or promo he's done and tell me this guy couldn't sell a front door to a homeless guy.
It's great to see that DDP managed to get Jake back on track, as it was a hard challenge (watch Jake's dvd "Pick your Poison", I nearly fucking wept.). The way he looked last monday, coming back to (what should have been) a standing ovation... I'm pretty sure WWE is not yet done with the revitalized Snake. So far, I've read that he's almost a lock for the HOF, so here's hoping. He managed to screw his own career over but for sure, he should've gotten a lot more credit than he's ever been given. Also, Jake the Snake for Royal Rumble!!
Raven
Everyone's favorite resident weirdo. This guy has proven to be innovative, creatively a genius and a fucking microphone scientist. He's got an IQ of well over 140 and it shows. Raven could drop you an elongated promo and you'd be hooked on his every word. That's fucking class. I once spent an internship in an office. I'd be sitting for hours on end in the archives, stacking paper and folding boxes. I had a couple of podcasts where Raven was asked about the art of being a babyface/heel. Two hours on each subject ... not a single word wasted.
Yet, this guy was stuck on Sunday night Heat for most of his in-ring career either doing commentary or wrestling. WHAT THE FUCK? Then he goes to TNA, they give him a World Title before fucking him over big time and being left with nothing. Even TNA didn't give him a fair shake. Now he's stuck doing B-movies ... for fucks sake guys ...
Antonio Cesaro
Let me point out, that this is a hopeful case. It's just that his career so far hasn't amounted to his potential. But considering he's getting big pops for his giant swing, he might be going places. In 2005, WWE is where he didn't go. He got signed, but was fired before even clearing his paperwork. The guy that helmed stables such as Swiss Money Holding and later formed BDK in Chikara (highly successfully I might add) is now part of a stable who's main intent is to re-introduce casual racism to television. Blegh. Antonio is still Claudio Castagnoli underneath, capable of so much more.
Fully aware that WWE is a uniform soup of nothingness these days, I still have high hopes. He deserves more than he's gotten. Simple.
The last one was a kicker.
Evan Bourne? Matt Striker? Kane? Simon Dean? Zack Ryder?
After you get going it's kind of hard to single anyone out.
Evan Bourne is a talented high flyer, but unfortunately, the emphasis is on "high". If he keeps that up, he's fucked.
Matt Striker isn't exactly going anywhere in WWE, because he's no longer employed. Thing is though, he was multifaceted enough to be kept around. He was awesome on commentary, had some great puroresu influences in his matches for any wrestling fan that got a kick out of it (as I did) and didn't do all too bad as an MC for NXT, despite being given fuck all to work with.
Simon Dean is much of the same way. Good thing he re-evaluated and is doing something useful now. Dean, as Nova, was pretty innovative and he was a better Hogan parody than even Hogan himself. The fact he was made to be a modern day Richard Simmons, just less camp, is stupid.
Kane, the endless repetition of the story of how this monster was made into a cuddly teddy bear has gotten yet another chapter. Corporate Kane ... just no. I guess Mr Bourne left his ganja too close to the creative team.
Zack Ryder ... well, there's no real point in discussing it, right? He tried, it went over, but grew stale fairly fast. He's got to redefine the gimmick and be less one-dimensional. But I don't think he'll ever outgrow "Superstars" again. He had a successful shot with his youtube show, but that's no longer an option. It's been done. It is a dead horse for TNA to consider playing with now. Good luck, Zack.
Fuck it now, I'm going to publish and have a smoke. Ciao.
~D.
You know, there's a good chance you'll turn away from this entry considering I've been lacing every post with how I think some guys are genuinely left to rot while having the utmost of potential. Yadda, yadda. Thing is though, as I now work per requested topic, here goes.
I was asked to list a top 10 of superstars past and present who I felt has been misused and underappreciated. I spent days thinking of names (since I genuinely have nothing better to do except collecting unemployment) and while it was a hard task, I succeeded with merit. No problem with tooting my own horn from time to time. That's not even a euphemism.
I'm not going to go down the list and actually make a "top 10". I'll just do them in the order I've written them down. Yes, I actually prepare by making notes before entries. Anyway, before I veer off too much...
Christian
Well, no surprise, eh? Anyone who has read my blog at least once knows I have a huge (figurative) boner for Christian. When a fellow wrestling fan I know in person (rare in my neck of the woods) asked me who my favorite was, two names came up. Him and the guy that's next on the list. Almost ten years later and that hasn't changed. Imagine how frustrating it is for someone like me to constantly have to deal with him being passed over. Well, Vince, you're wrong and here's why.
Why not Christian? Does he lack ring psychology? Nope. He can sell a story. Is he terrible on the stick? Have you fucking heard him? I'll grant you the sometimes lame jokes, but from his first day away from The Brood, he's been entertaining audiences alongside Edge.
There's where it gets serious. Edge. They're the bestest and longest of friends and partners. Great, but it has held Christian back. Edge was always the breakout star of the pair. He debuted sooner, and Christian came in under Edge's wing. He was never taken seriously as a singles star after that. Wrongfully, I might add. Post E&C, Edge became a midcarder and Christian turned heel, first feuding with Edge, later dumped into a stable with (among others) Lance Storm. Then came Captain Charisma. The sheer idiocy of that gimmick was quickly explored (the super-hero costume) and he subsequently became a fan favorite despite all of it.
A Goldust story, if anything.
We've made it to 2005. That means a great year for the man as he decided to leave WWE and look for appreciation in TNA. And by golly, he got it. TNA actually gave the man the opportunity to be the face of the company (AND a last name!!). Whether that was because of his ability to do so or simply because he was a familiar face to wrestling fans (i.e. WWE reject) remains ambiguous for the sake of the story moving forward. He gets two title runs and an undefeated streak like a motherfucker until someone with more star power pops around (Kurt Angle that is). After that, the Instant Classic was sidetracked. The TNA way, I suppose (or the Carter way, more specifically). Get a bigger name, the rest can fuck off.
He held out until 2009 after which he returned "home". ECW? Well, at least he's on tv again. Despite Todd Grisham sucking the life out of his return with his deadpan "It's Christian..." and Matt Strikers not-so-vague reference to his TNA moniker, he was the face of the show about two weeks into his return. Then shit became hopelessly stale again and he was given no opportunity whatsoever.
Then Edge retired and Christian became the "best friend". He got to win Edge's vacated World Title only to lose it to Randy Orton (Randy FUCKING Orton?) 4 days later. No fair shake is what it is. That was the writing on the wall. I don't think he'll ever get the appreciation he deserves. He turned forty this past November. He should probably collect the money and call it a day. I fear it won't be getting any better.
Great, I've written a whole epic and I haven't even made it past the first name yet. Truth is, the rest'll be a might shorter.
William Regal
Evidented second choice. And you know why. Is there something this guy cannot do? Okay, maybe the "Real Man's Man" wasn't particularly convincing, but still. Make him heel and he will make people hate him with relative ease. Make him a comedic persona and he'll have people laugh. He fucking rapped! Multiple times!
Ask any guy who's on top right now about who they go to for advice and nine out of ten, the answer will be "Regal". His ring work is impeccable, and almost legendary. Legendary in the sense that he made Bill Goldberg his fucking bitch. He was supposed to be squashed in WCW but Regal kept the fucker going for ten minutes. While Regal did let himself get pinned, he was the real victor in that match. And he got fired for it. Because you know, getting a good match out of a talentless hack is unprofessional conduct, right?
Hopes for improvement in 2008 though, when the man manages to win King of the Ring with dirt sheets even reporting that the GM will actually have a run with the world title. My giant boner is excited by this time (equivalent to watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show in slow motion, ahem). Then he fucks it up himself. Fucking performance enhancing drugs. A world title is too far fetched, I'm afraid. It's done and over with. He's in a good position now though. Occasionally wrestling a match and for the most part just helping the young guys with undoubtedly great advice. Hopefully, it'll pay off. Look at Danielson.
Diamond Dallas Page
Can you feel the BANG!? I certainly could, before 2001. Page was a unique chap in the sense that he didn't wrestle until he was like 35. An age whereby most wrestlers are slowing down. Not Page, though. Despite being told he wouldn't make it, he fucking did it. World champ, extremely over with the fans (the genuine People's Champion I dare say). At one point, even a hot commodity in WCW. Then the buyout happened.
Vince, in his infinite lack of (creative) wisdom decided to utilize DDP as a stalker of Undertaker's then wife Sarah. It was his death warrant. Fucked over before he even got to it. Looking back though, DDP probably made more of himself after his active career than Vince ever could. DDP is now a guru, but the entrepreneurial kind who actually manages to do well for others. Just watch the video of the paratrooper who got severely injured on a mission. Through DDP's yoga, he's actually able to run again.
Then look at the accountability crib. He has taken in two of the most infamous guys in the business. Guys known for being unreliable due to their addictions. Guys he turned onto the right path, culminating partly in the events of last monday's RAW. Class of 2014? Make it happen, guys. He's earned his place among the greats.
Vader
Huh? Yeah. Fucking Vader. He's considered a WWE legend, right? But that's no thanks to WWE, at all. Vader is Vader because he made it happen in Japan and WCW. Where he was known for being stiff competition (pun completely intended). A guy who took a lariat from Stan Hansen, had his eye pop out of the socket and fucking finished the match regardless. That's simply Vader. In WWE, Vince wanted to rename him the Mastodon (it didn't happen thankfully) but he was turned into a jobber. The fact he's now considered a legend and has been given more opportunities in WWE post-career is a fucking joke. A 400 pound guy doing a moonsault? He did it. Sure, he was old school stiff, but you're not being a professional if you can't handle a stiff punch. I feel he always needed to earn more respect. Thankfully, he got it elsewhere at least.
Goldust
Surprising? He's being actively applauded these days. Thing is though...He was Dusty's first son to step into his father's shoes. He didn't have that eccentricity (at first) and he was always deemed "the son of".
Then Dustin got saddled with the Goldust character. The death of any man's chances at success. Not him though. Like so very few before him, he totally made it work. He achieved popularity because he no longer had that "Rhodes" name to hold him back. Sour grapes prevailed though, and he's been let go so many times, I've neglected to count. Now he's back in full force, teaming with half brother Cody and it seems like his younger sibling actually managed to give him some credibility backstage. He's earned it. To actually make the Goldust character popular as fuck is no mean feat. I don't expect him to have any further success as a singles competitor though.
Paul Heyman
His managerial skills are well documented and he's certainly used to his fullest potential. It's however his creativity that is greatly underappreciated. Put this man at the helm of any booking team and you are guaranteed success (the same could be said of Jim Cornette). The thing that holds Paul E. back is the fact that he's so vehemently against the grain that anyone would be mental to hire him. His exploits at ECW are well known. Creatively sound, financially a fucking mess. Eliminate the financial factor and you've got yourself one of the smartest bookers around. He'll end up in the Hall of Fame regardless, but it won't be for what he does best: the creative aspect.
Jake the Snake
The guy that either invented the DDT or popularized it. That's not the point however. His return last monday signified his inclusion on this list (kidding, he would've always been on it). The overwhelming factor here is that he pissed his own chances away. True. Jake had plenty of demons to combat. A battle he lost on many occasions. He was never taken seriously, and that was totally wrong.
Jake the Snake is one of the few brilliant minds in this business. Ring psychology is completely second nature to him. Ask Alex Shane who had the opportunity to witness that brilliance (so I've read once, it's why I picked him out).
Watch any interview or promo he's done and tell me this guy couldn't sell a front door to a homeless guy.
It's great to see that DDP managed to get Jake back on track, as it was a hard challenge (watch Jake's dvd "Pick your Poison", I nearly fucking wept.). The way he looked last monday, coming back to (what should have been) a standing ovation... I'm pretty sure WWE is not yet done with the revitalized Snake. So far, I've read that he's almost a lock for the HOF, so here's hoping. He managed to screw his own career over but for sure, he should've gotten a lot more credit than he's ever been given. Also, Jake the Snake for Royal Rumble!!
Raven
Everyone's favorite resident weirdo. This guy has proven to be innovative, creatively a genius and a fucking microphone scientist. He's got an IQ of well over 140 and it shows. Raven could drop you an elongated promo and you'd be hooked on his every word. That's fucking class. I once spent an internship in an office. I'd be sitting for hours on end in the archives, stacking paper and folding boxes. I had a couple of podcasts where Raven was asked about the art of being a babyface/heel. Two hours on each subject ... not a single word wasted.
Yet, this guy was stuck on Sunday night Heat for most of his in-ring career either doing commentary or wrestling. WHAT THE FUCK? Then he goes to TNA, they give him a World Title before fucking him over big time and being left with nothing. Even TNA didn't give him a fair shake. Now he's stuck doing B-movies ... for fucks sake guys ...
Antonio Cesaro
Let me point out, that this is a hopeful case. It's just that his career so far hasn't amounted to his potential. But considering he's getting big pops for his giant swing, he might be going places. In 2005, WWE is where he didn't go. He got signed, but was fired before even clearing his paperwork. The guy that helmed stables such as Swiss Money Holding and later formed BDK in Chikara (highly successfully I might add) is now part of a stable who's main intent is to re-introduce casual racism to television. Blegh. Antonio is still Claudio Castagnoli underneath, capable of so much more.
Fully aware that WWE is a uniform soup of nothingness these days, I still have high hopes. He deserves more than he's gotten. Simple.
The last one was a kicker.
Evan Bourne? Matt Striker? Kane? Simon Dean? Zack Ryder?
After you get going it's kind of hard to single anyone out.
Evan Bourne is a talented high flyer, but unfortunately, the emphasis is on "high". If he keeps that up, he's fucked.
Matt Striker isn't exactly going anywhere in WWE, because he's no longer employed. Thing is though, he was multifaceted enough to be kept around. He was awesome on commentary, had some great puroresu influences in his matches for any wrestling fan that got a kick out of it (as I did) and didn't do all too bad as an MC for NXT, despite being given fuck all to work with.
Simon Dean is much of the same way. Good thing he re-evaluated and is doing something useful now. Dean, as Nova, was pretty innovative and he was a better Hogan parody than even Hogan himself. The fact he was made to be a modern day Richard Simmons, just less camp, is stupid.
Kane, the endless repetition of the story of how this monster was made into a cuddly teddy bear has gotten yet another chapter. Corporate Kane ... just no. I guess Mr Bourne left his ganja too close to the creative team.
Zack Ryder ... well, there's no real point in discussing it, right? He tried, it went over, but grew stale fairly fast. He's got to redefine the gimmick and be less one-dimensional. But I don't think he'll ever outgrow "Superstars" again. He had a successful shot with his youtube show, but that's no longer an option. It's been done. It is a dead horse for TNA to consider playing with now. Good luck, Zack.
Fuck it now, I'm going to publish and have a smoke. Ciao.
~D.
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