Gameface OFF

bienvenidas a todos


No beating around the bush today. Last monday night, WWE announced the next installment in their ongoing videogame series. Much like last year, the company has done away with the SvR monniker and labels their next game WWE '13. I realise this videogame entry comes a far lot earlier than it did last year. There is a simple reason for that.


There simply won't be a review of WWE '13 by yours truly. After the gigantic clusterfuck that was WWE '12 (Labelled the best game they ever did, no less) I opted to stay the fuck away from anything that bears the WWE and PS3 logos). No matter how much THQ teases the smarks and idiots alike.


CM Punk is this years coverboy. Good, he deserves that kind of attention. That his face is on what is likely to be an abomination of a game is neglectable. The biggest teaser is the inclusion of an "attitude era". Supposedly 32 (!) Attitude Era superstars have been added to the game, aside from the 38 current stars. Damn you, THQ for making me want it somewhat. No, no, I must be strong. I can't bear to be annually disappointed.  


I must admit, THQ's taglines for the game are never false marketing. The game promises the most lifelike experience of sports entertainment. No wonder it blows for the most part.


They do it every year, though. Call it the best game ever and once you get it, you realise they've successfully trolled you for the 8th year in a row. Last years controls were probably the worst I've had to deal with and sure enough, this years controls have been "modified" again. Modified.... I'd read that as "completely overhauled so it'll take you months to figure out". Maybe I'm just slow. The best controls were SmackDown: SYM, which is by far my favorite game THQ has put out along with SmackDown!2: KYR. Good times, great mammaries.


That spelling error was intentional. Oh the big boobies-made-out-of-polygons I've observed during my teenage years...There's still a proper assortment of knockers to be found in the games, but I've reached the point in my life where giant nipplebags no longer outweigh the shitty gameplay. Too bad.


About the Attitude thing. It sucks that they included it, because now people start thinking that WWE is going to take an Attitude Era approach to their weekly product. You know, last year they dumped Brock Lesnar in the game and he signed on with WWE a couple of months later. Don't get your hopes up folks. Even if WWE decides to take that "attitude" approach  to their programming again, it still won't be like the olden days. Though it would make me curious.


Ah, dare I say programming hasn't been that awful lately? Christian returning as a face and getting a win streak going. The whole D-Bry/AJ Lee thing now involving Punk. How the fucking fuck is it possible that creative has gotten me interested in a romance angle?! THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!


Also, Skip Sheffield. One of the few big guys I find credible in any way. He's even over for crying out loud. I like him with this new/old Ryback persona. Personally, I like how they kept the best of his OVW/FCW Ryback (the animalistic fuck-people-up-mentality) and dropped the worst (Terminator-gimmick). 


I wouldn't say the same for one of my personal favorites. Antonio Cesaro, still better known as Claudio Castagnoli, is stuck in a love triangle (another?!) with Aksana and Teddy Long. Aksana ... I still don't see the benefit of having it around. She speaks very little English and she doesn't actually do anything except walk around and, for lack of a better word, converse.

Also, Ricola Bomb please. This GSN - Gotch Style Neutralizer may be a nice throwback to the legend Karl Gotch, it is far inferior to the Ricola Bomb (or the Alpamare Waterslide, still one of my favorite moves). Ah well, still waiting for Seth Rollins ... and Chris Hero. I still hope the latter will get a different name when he's called up.


~D.