mike is a dick - clarity will follow

That is without any doubt the least inviting title I could come up with. Giggity.


Worry not, that will be referenced at a later point. First, let's talk about oily and topless men grappling each other for money and glory. (I can hear George Takei in my head shouting: "Oh myyyy...")

So, I was slightly baffled by the fact that last night was WWE's annual Money in the Bank pay per view. Regardless of the fact that I still think it was a shit idea to turn this match concept into a PPV instead of having it at Mania, it happened.

Most surprisingly though, was the outcome of several of these matches. As you know, both brands hold a MITB match, so two briefcases with a world title match contract are up for grabs. If any of you pegged a potential winner, your bet was probably off by a mile.

Who won then? None other than Randy Orton ... whose career has been positively dwindling since forever. Is Vince trying to score with Randy's now ex-wife and decided to reward RKO because for freeing her up? Be damned if I know. All I can say is that Randy's victory is at best a surprise. Can this mean the (VERY MUCH NEEDED) heel turn for Orton? I can only hope. 

Not that Randy is particularly exciting to listen to, regardless of his on-screen alignment. Randy's persona tends to come out in his matches, and everybody can attest that Randy's matches are for more interesting when he's heel. All that lacks then is a good theme. GOOD HEAVENS BELOW, I hate that "voices" theme.

Now for the total surprise. The other MITB match was won by none other than Damien Sandow. I like the character (a lot better than Michelle McCool's teachers pet Idol Stevens if anything) and he's got chops in the ring. My first thought when I read the news was threefold.

1. a joke by the creative team
2. a botched finish resulting in a quick improv
3. absolutely intentional.

Either way, I'm interested to see this play out. I would've favored Antonio Cesaro for the win, but alas. As long as Vince isn't "too pleased" with Cesaro, it's not going to happen. I still wonder why Vince doesn't like him ... probably because he's a wrestler. 

RVD apparently did well. I didn't see anything so I'll digress. 

At last! "Mike is dick" reference follows!

*insert traditional porn dialogue*

For some reason I've found myself stumbling upon Taylor Swift. Sadly, I mean her music. Not that it's bad (for a pop sensation, it's pretty decent quality songwriting even). A live rendition by one of her songs I came across, I noticed something particular. She holds the microphone (thus, Mike) way high, in an angle that makes it look as if she expects it to jizz on her face (which is the signature attack for a penis, or dick). It made me chuckle. 


That kind of works for "gangsta rappers" (though it still looks fucking ridiculous). For a "girl next door" it's downright weird ... and quite hot.

She's a one trick pony though, I've noticed. Sure, she can sing ... somewhat. But every single song is about a guy that dumped her or that she dumped. Her love life is better documented than that of Lucrezia Borgia (historical reference YEAAAHHH!) and possibly even sadder. Any way ... I'd do her  go out with her, though (AS YOU ALL WOULD, EVEN WOMEN). If things go awry, I'll at least get a song out of it. I never had a song written about me ... would be kinda nice.

Alas, season 4 of Warehouse 13 officially ended last week. Sad face. Now there's a six episode season left (THAT'S NOT A SEASON YOU CHEAP SYFY FUCKS), starting probably in september ... I'm gonna need rehab when it finishes. Normally, I'd watch NCIS in its stead, but now that one of the leads decides to leave after 8 years in the role ... that might start to suck as well.

Time for a chuckle, then.

This genuinely made me laugh. If ever it was appropriate to use the following phrase, it would be now:



"It's funny 'cause it's true."







That'll be all,



~D.