Hi
I saw a page on facebook where the 'admin' asked which WWE wrestlers were considered mistreated. I figured it would make for a nice blog entry if I took the names that were mentioned there and added my own commentary, as well as offer some names of my own.
First up
Charlie Haas.
There is one guy of which you could innately claim he was mistreated. At least as a singles competitor. Enjoying a moderate success tagging with Shelton Benjamin as the WGTT under the tutelage of Kurt Angle, but completely misused as a solo act. The guy had his chops, no doubt, but lacked virtually everything else. He was so insanely bland, it was almost torturous to watch him cut a promo. The mistreatment as such shouldn't have been a surprise. If you can't sell your act, you're essentially useless.
The fact that Haas was rehired was a shocker, which made his second release all the more logical. Once he started to impersonate his opponents (and still jobbed to every single one of them), it was the proverbial nail in the coffin.
William Regal
Ah, one of my perennial favorites and also one of the most misused wrestlers in recent WWE history. Here's one guy who has everything. He's one of the best wrestlers to ever set foot in a WWF/-E ring and he will forever be remembered as the butt of many jokes, the most noteworthy of which come from Jericho. Here's one guy who is both skilled and entertaining, even having no issues garnering heel heat or deprecating himself as a rapper.
Truthfully, his mistreatment is largely his own fault. Engaging in drinking (peeing on an airplane as a result), doing performing enhancing drugs ... which even caused him to miss out on a top heel position back in 2008. He had it all, winning KOTR, being cozy with Triple H and on his way to a top tier title. One steroid bust and it was all over. He's found a suitable position doing commentary and wrestling on occasion. He will still be the guy new guys go to for advice. With his experience, that might be the best suited option for him.
Paul Burchill
Also one of my favorites, to be honest. While he didn't get much of a chance at first, appearing on Velocity mostly (remember that? Because 75% of WWE's fanbase sure as hell doesn't!). Then came the pirate gimmick. That got over as fuck, for being simply fun and having a cool as fuck finisher. Of course, pirate gimmicks aren't for the long term. How it ended (disney lawsuit, necessity for knee surgery) remains a mystery. His Ripper gimmick was good, but never brought up to the main roster. That's until Katie Lea came on to the scene as his sister. And such was the birth of the incest gimmick. An incest gimmick that was painfully cut short because Linda wanted the senate seat of Connecticut for the Republican party and WWE became family friendly. Gone was incest gimmick, gone was any chance of Burchill to make it bigger. Alas, after being dropped and having jobbed to the Hurricane, it was au revoir for the Englishman.
The man is now a firefighter. Yeah, you read it ... a firefighter. Meaning he's now a top babyface in my book.
Muhammad Hassan
This guy had the fucking golden egg during his stint in WWE between 2004 and 2005. Portraying an Arabian with a potty mouth wasn't difficult to portray when every American was ready to cause bloodshed to any Arabian with an attitude. Unfortunately, it also spelled his end, when an unfortunate timing made the network interfere in creative decision, forcing WWE to drop the Hassan character (key point: the terrorist attack on the undertaker, where piano wires were involved). Ironically, one of the terrorists was portrayed by the aforementioned Paul Burchill.
There was no chance of Mark Copani ever reaching the heights that Muhammad Hassan made him reach. Also, it's best to remember that this whole saga gave birth to the character of Palmer Cannon. That's inexcusable in its own right. Good heavens, what a useless character that was.
Someone on that page mentioned Bobby Lashley. Was he mistreated? In short: fuck no. The guy got infinitely more than he deserved. This guy was greener than Finlay every March 17th.
You know who was? Kurt Angle
Huh? Yeah, you read it right. Kurt Angle was very mistreated, at least in his final stint in WWE. Forcing to work through an aggravated neck injury, only to make John Cena look good (if you haven't caught it the million times he mentioned it: he broke his freakin' neck and won the gold medal in the '96 olympics). He was right to fuck off outta there, and it even excuses him going to TNA.
I bet y'all can name plenty more guys (gals?) you can consider mistreated.
Speaking of gals, what the fuck is with that Total Divas reality show. I honestly don't much care to know how Brie Bella wakes up in the morning covered in beard (courtesy of Bryan Danielson) or how much the divas don't seem to get along very well amongst each other.
Let's face it, the most noteworthy thing the Bellas have done in their entire career is Brie's tit peeping a couple of weeks ago. It was a shapely tit, regardless.
I'll have to digress. I'm getting through 8 seasons of House MD (yes, Olivia Wilde). Painfully seeing how much I resemble the title character, personality-wise. Everyone loves House, but I can't shake the image of Hugh Laurie in Blackadder as the bumbling, slightly effeminate prince George (SAUSAGE TIME!) or as the lovable goof The Honourable Lt. George Colthurst St. Barleigh. Damn you, legendary comedy series featuring a starring cast consisting of Rowan Atkinson, Tony Robinson, Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry and Tim McInnerny.
Yes, that was something of a plug for those who haven't seen it yet. (And if you have, watch it again ... you know you want to)
~D.
Sunday, 28 July 2013
Monday, 15 July 2013
mike is a dick - clarity will follow
That is without any doubt the least inviting title I could come up with. Giggity.
Worry not, that will be referenced at a later point. First, let's talk about oily and topless men grappling each other for money and glory. (I can hear George Takei in my head shouting: "Oh myyyy...")
So, I was slightly baffled by the fact that last night was WWE's annual Money in the Bank pay per view. Regardless of the fact that I still think it was a shit idea to turn this match concept into a PPV instead of having it at Mania, it happened.
Most surprisingly though, was the outcome of several of these matches. As you know, both brands hold a MITB match, so two briefcases with a world title match contract are up for grabs. If any of you pegged a potential winner, your bet was probably off by a mile.
Who won then? None other than Randy Orton ... whose career has been positively dwindling since forever. Is Vince trying to score with Randy's now ex-wife and decided to reward RKO because for freeing her up? Be damned if I know. All I can say is that Randy's victory is at best a surprise. Can this mean the (VERY MUCH NEEDED) heel turn for Orton? I can only hope.
Not that Randy is particularly exciting to listen to, regardless of his on-screen alignment. Randy's persona tends to come out in his matches, and everybody can attest that Randy's matches are for more interesting when he's heel. All that lacks then is a good theme. GOOD HEAVENS BELOW, I hate that "voices" theme.
Now for the total surprise. The other MITB match was won by none other than Damien Sandow. I like the character (a lot better than Michelle McCool's teachers pet Idol Stevens if anything) and he's got chops in the ring. My first thought when I read the news was threefold.
1. a joke by the creative team
2. a botched finish resulting in a quick improv
3. absolutely intentional.
Either way, I'm interested to see this play out. I would've favored Antonio Cesaro for the win, but alas. As long as Vince isn't "too pleased" with Cesaro, it's not going to happen. I still wonder why Vince doesn't like him ... probably because he's a wrestler.
RVD apparently did well. I didn't see anything so I'll digress.
At last! "Mike is dick" reference follows!
For some reason I've found myself stumbling upon Taylor Swift. Sadly, I mean her music. Not that it's bad (for a pop sensation, it's pretty decent quality songwriting even). A live rendition by one of her songs I came across, I noticed something particular. She holds the microphone (thus, Mike) way high, in an angle that makes it look as if she expects it to jizz on her face (which is the signature attack for a penis, or dick). It made me chuckle.
That kind of works for "gangsta rappers" (though it still looks fucking ridiculous). For a "girl next door" it's downright weird ... and quite hot.
She's a one trick pony though, I've noticed. Sure, she can sing ... somewhat. But every single song is about a guy that dumped her or that she dumped. Her love life is better documented than that of Lucrezia Borgia (historical reference YEAAAHHH!) and possibly even sadder. Any way ... I'ddo her go out with her, though (AS YOU ALL WOULD, EVEN WOMEN). If things go awry, I'll at least get a song out of it. I never had a song written about me ... would be kinda nice.
Alas, season 4 of Warehouse 13 officially ended last week. Sad face. Now there's a six episode season left (THAT'S NOT A SEASON YOU CHEAP SYFY FUCKS), starting probably in september ... I'm gonna need rehab when it finishes. Normally, I'd watch NCIS in its stead, but now that one of the leads decides to leave after 8 years in the role ... that might start to suck as well.
Time for a chuckle, then.
This genuinely made me laugh. If ever it was appropriate to use the following phrase, it would be now:
"It's funny 'cause it's true."
That'll be all,
~D.
Worry not, that will be referenced at a later point. First, let's talk about oily and topless men grappling each other for money and glory. (I can hear George Takei in my head shouting: "Oh myyyy...")
So, I was slightly baffled by the fact that last night was WWE's annual Money in the Bank pay per view. Regardless of the fact that I still think it was a shit idea to turn this match concept into a PPV instead of having it at Mania, it happened.
Most surprisingly though, was the outcome of several of these matches. As you know, both brands hold a MITB match, so two briefcases with a world title match contract are up for grabs. If any of you pegged a potential winner, your bet was probably off by a mile.
Who won then? None other than Randy Orton ... whose career has been positively dwindling since forever. Is Vince trying to score with Randy's now ex-wife and decided to reward RKO because for freeing her up? Be damned if I know. All I can say is that Randy's victory is at best a surprise. Can this mean the (VERY MUCH NEEDED) heel turn for Orton? I can only hope.
Not that Randy is particularly exciting to listen to, regardless of his on-screen alignment. Randy's persona tends to come out in his matches, and everybody can attest that Randy's matches are for more interesting when he's heel. All that lacks then is a good theme. GOOD HEAVENS BELOW, I hate that "voices" theme.
Now for the total surprise. The other MITB match was won by none other than Damien Sandow. I like the character (a lot better than Michelle McCool's teachers pet Idol Stevens if anything) and he's got chops in the ring. My first thought when I read the news was threefold.
1. a joke by the creative team
2. a botched finish resulting in a quick improv
3. absolutely intentional.
Either way, I'm interested to see this play out. I would've favored Antonio Cesaro for the win, but alas. As long as Vince isn't "too pleased" with Cesaro, it's not going to happen. I still wonder why Vince doesn't like him ... probably because he's a wrestler.
RVD apparently did well. I didn't see anything so I'll digress.
At last! "Mike is dick" reference follows!
 |
| *insert traditional porn dialogue* |
That kind of works for "gangsta rappers" (though it still looks fucking ridiculous). For a "girl next door" it's downright weird ... and quite hot.
She's a one trick pony though, I've noticed. Sure, she can sing ... somewhat. But every single song is about a guy that dumped her or that she dumped. Her love life is better documented than that of Lucrezia Borgia (historical reference YEAAAHHH!) and possibly even sadder. Any way ... I'd
Alas, season 4 of Warehouse 13 officially ended last week. Sad face. Now there's a six episode season left (THAT'S NOT A SEASON YOU CHEAP SYFY FUCKS), starting probably in september ... I'm gonna need rehab when it finishes. Normally, I'd watch NCIS in its stead, but now that one of the leads decides to leave after 8 years in the role ... that might start to suck as well.
Time for a chuckle, then.
"It's funny 'cause it's true."
That'll be all,
~D.
Thursday, 4 July 2013
moar wrestling, less everything else
Ho ho hi there
For some reason, I feel as if ranting on pro wrestling still suits me better, even though I'm painfully unaware of what is going on. As it happens, I've been spending more time watching regular tv (although, regular ...) than anything else.
It kind of sucks, when the only available wrestling on tv here is "WWE Highlights of the Week" or something like that. Either way, the given title covers it. You get no fucking clue of what is going, since they show snippets with no form of backstory whatsoever. Second of all, commentary is overdubbed in either French or Dutch. Neither of which is helpful in selling me this programme.
Dutch always makes things look more tacky than they already are, and with French, I only understand half of it, and it's tough making out the proper commentary (note that in this comparison, even Michael Cole blows away any form of dubbed commentary) between the flurry of "fah fah fah Jacques Swaggeur fah fah fah Chrétien fah fah". On top of that, the commentary team generally has no clue what's going on, as if it's Dixie Carter feeding them the lines.
So I resort to either results, or the uploaded versions on Youtube (I've given up looking for proper streams) or snippets. Speaking of snippets ... the irony is quite hilarious. Take WWE's youtube channel. Lots of boasting about how WWE is such a global product and that fans all around the world enjoy watching their dose of "sports entertainment". Try accessing any video on WWE's youtube channel and tell me whether you can get in (provided you're outside the US/Canada). You've got roughly 30% chance you'll actually get to watch it. Odd, since the company is a "global phenomenon". If you live in a country where wrestling is niche market, you're pretty much screwed.
I shouldn't complain though. WWE travels through my small country annually and does a show. I went once, and fun was had, more or less. My good mood sort of trailed back when the Hardys came out and I couldn't find a way to fast forward the match. The most drugged up of the two did fall flat on his face though. Felt slightly better.
Either way, my day was made when I shook the hand of Maria (and felt myself transforming into a silly fanboy; HEY, I SAW TITS UP CLOSE, I CAN'T HELP IT) and had to restrain myself from casually mentioning I had seen her magnificent can/cooch-combo in playboy. Felt good, man.
Ahem. Wyatt family debut imminent. I'm nearly begging Vishnu to have Luke Harper (or Brodie Lee) keep that magical big boot that has frequently claimed the life of Tim Donst and STIGMA in Chikara. Probably not though, since it'll make Sheamus' Brogue Kick look pale in comparison. Pun more or less intended.
On the flip side, TNA is pulling a WWE (obviously) and has resorted to releasing talent that shouldn't be released. The one i'd like to single out specifically being Joey Ryan. The guy was golden. That little gem TNA didn't realise they had. I mean, come on. Doing that gut check thing and basically flipping off both Al Snow and Taz was great. I feel like people should do it more often even. On top of that, his gimmick was fairly original (The cross between Tom Selleck and Ron Jeremy? WIN!). Nope, he's out.
Compare that with Taz signing a new deal with them togive more insightful analyses of matches spew bat shit insane crap through a microphone. Good joke, TNA, but seriously. It also shouldn't be that much of a surprise that TNA is keeping Brooke Hogan employed, still. Yes, Brooke "I curiously look a lot like my dad" Hogan. The not-so-subtle flavour of nepotism that Hulk (brother!) Hogan (brother!) has brought into a once flourishing company. Yeah, Dixie may be a businesswoman, but she knows fuck all about the business she's in.
One bright shining glimmer of hope though. Rumours have (once again) been floating around that Sting has sent feelers up north. I for one hope he'd get it over with once his TNA deal ends and signs with WWE. It'll help shut down those "get Sting to WWE"-supporters and he'll actually have a shot at cementing his legacy for real while he can still go (somewhat). If I was in his place, I'd end my career on the highest merit, and not in a company that's halfway through the earth's crust. Same for Angle too. If RVD can come back on a lighter schedule, so can Angle.
Not that WWE is pressed for talent. Oh no, they probably have the biggest pool of talent on their main roster already, and a couple more fresh talents (Sami "El Generico" Zayn, Paige, Kassius "Chris Hero" Ohno, Sami Callahan since today, ...) waiting for their chance.
Even more than in the past, TNA stands no fucking chance. I'll let Dixie believe that Hulk can make TNA grow, but its only growth is into the stale zone, with each passing "BROTHER!".
To close this exquisitely ranty entry, I'd like to reiterate what I mentioned in my previous blog entry (that went unshared). If there's ever a sci-fi TV show you need to give a shot, it's Warehouse 13. Being a moderate sci-fi enthusiast and history nut, my blood distribution is mainly in the genital area when I watch it.
Trust on me that one, just go and give it a shot. If you don't like it, the odds are that you quite suck.
~D.
For some reason, I feel as if ranting on pro wrestling still suits me better, even though I'm painfully unaware of what is going on. As it happens, I've been spending more time watching regular tv (although, regular ...) than anything else.
It kind of sucks, when the only available wrestling on tv here is "WWE Highlights of the Week" or something like that. Either way, the given title covers it. You get no fucking clue of what is going, since they show snippets with no form of backstory whatsoever. Second of all, commentary is overdubbed in either French or Dutch. Neither of which is helpful in selling me this programme.
Dutch always makes things look more tacky than they already are, and with French, I only understand half of it, and it's tough making out the proper commentary (note that in this comparison, even Michael Cole blows away any form of dubbed commentary) between the flurry of "fah fah fah Jacques Swaggeur fah fah fah Chrétien fah fah". On top of that, the commentary team generally has no clue what's going on, as if it's Dixie Carter feeding them the lines.
So I resort to either results, or the uploaded versions on Youtube (I've given up looking for proper streams) or snippets. Speaking of snippets ... the irony is quite hilarious. Take WWE's youtube channel. Lots of boasting about how WWE is such a global product and that fans all around the world enjoy watching their dose of "sports entertainment". Try accessing any video on WWE's youtube channel and tell me whether you can get in (provided you're outside the US/Canada). You've got roughly 30% chance you'll actually get to watch it. Odd, since the company is a "global phenomenon". If you live in a country where wrestling is niche market, you're pretty much screwed.
I shouldn't complain though. WWE travels through my small country annually and does a show. I went once, and fun was had, more or less. My good mood sort of trailed back when the Hardys came out and I couldn't find a way to fast forward the match. The most drugged up of the two did fall flat on his face though. Felt slightly better.
Either way, my day was made when I shook the hand of Maria (and felt myself transforming into a silly fanboy; HEY, I SAW TITS UP CLOSE, I CAN'T HELP IT) and had to restrain myself from casually mentioning I had seen her magnificent can/cooch-combo in playboy. Felt good, man.
Ahem. Wyatt family debut imminent. I'm nearly begging Vishnu to have Luke Harper (or Brodie Lee) keep that magical big boot that has frequently claimed the life of Tim Donst and STIGMA in Chikara. Probably not though, since it'll make Sheamus' Brogue Kick look pale in comparison. Pun more or less intended.
On the flip side, TNA is pulling a WWE (obviously) and has resorted to releasing talent that shouldn't be released. The one i'd like to single out specifically being Joey Ryan. The guy was golden. That little gem TNA didn't realise they had. I mean, come on. Doing that gut check thing and basically flipping off both Al Snow and Taz was great. I feel like people should do it more often even. On top of that, his gimmick was fairly original (The cross between Tom Selleck and Ron Jeremy? WIN!). Nope, he's out.
Compare that with Taz signing a new deal with them to
One bright shining glimmer of hope though. Rumours have (once again) been floating around that Sting has sent feelers up north. I for one hope he'd get it over with once his TNA deal ends and signs with WWE. It'll help shut down those "get Sting to WWE"-supporters and he'll actually have a shot at cementing his legacy for real while he can still go (somewhat). If I was in his place, I'd end my career on the highest merit, and not in a company that's halfway through the earth's crust. Same for Angle too. If RVD can come back on a lighter schedule, so can Angle.
Not that WWE is pressed for talent. Oh no, they probably have the biggest pool of talent on their main roster already, and a couple more fresh talents (Sami "El Generico" Zayn, Paige, Kassius "Chris Hero" Ohno, Sami Callahan since today, ...) waiting for their chance.
Even more than in the past, TNA stands no fucking chance. I'll let Dixie believe that Hulk can make TNA grow, but its only growth is into the stale zone, with each passing "BROTHER!".
To close this exquisitely ranty entry, I'd like to reiterate what I mentioned in my previous blog entry (that went unshared). If there's ever a sci-fi TV show you need to give a shot, it's Warehouse 13. Being a moderate sci-fi enthusiast and history nut, my blood distribution is mainly in the genital area when I watch it.
Trust on me that one, just go and give it a shot. If you don't like it, the odds are that you quite suck.
~D.
Monday, 24 June 2013
Confessing and whatnot else
Buenas noches (as it is 1.30 in the mornin' right here)
Bit of a shady title, isn't it? Probably
It's because i'll confess shit related to entertainment. Here goes:
Kaitlyn's tit slip last monday was the highlight of my week. Despite the poor quality of the imaging, I could make out a well formed nipple, that had the world of wrestling fans drooling incessantly. It was fucking gold. For a totally hilarious comment about Kaitlyn's tit and Zack Ryder -> Check my twitter feed. Because repeating it on here would make it slightly less awesome.
Also, Cesaro teamed up with Colter?! Save from the insanity storyline-wise, I'm glad the casual fans are once more reminded that Cesaro is actually still employed. Can't be too sure with kids today and their selective amnesia.
Aside from that, Christian returns and gets near-squash wins? Mucho gusto. I half expected him to have gotten canned by now, for "creative reasons". I'm glad that every so often, WWE pulls out all the stops and proves me wrong. It's a nice feeling :)
There's no point in discussing wrestling any further. Seemingly, the only noteworthy thing happening is Zack Ryder bitching about being misused. Tell that to your former tag partner Curt Hawkins, and subsequently humble yourself.
Another confession then? Alright. This might be the whopper. I've never seen Star Wars ... any of it. No films, no tv spin-offs. I frequently browse 9gag and the pictures involving Star Wars (the majority of them) make little to no sense to me.
I read a synopsis, saw a few clips on YT and decided that it's worth absolutely nothing of my time. I get the feeling this makes me a cultural outcast, as seemingly 99.9% of people on the internet have seen and loved it. I'm sorry lads, no fucks are given on this end.
Another confession? I dislike another crowd favorite: Modern Family. Despite my unhealthy adoration for Ed O'Neill, I just cannot get into that series at all. The idea is good and all, but that reality tv style of having interview-like intermezzos just annoys the fuck out of me. Halfway through the pilot I had to turn it off, I was getting violently bored.
With my nitpicky behaviour regarding tv shows, I always end up returning to series I did (and do) like. I've rewatched all episodes of the Big Bang Theory twice, I went through How I Met Your Mother's 8 seasons in one week and I reckon I've been rewatching Heroes (possibly top 3 series of all time for me) for the seventh time. I'm in desperate need for new shows to watch, between episodes of the awesome series Warehouse 13 (If you're into sci-fi with a realistic and alternative history-like twist, check it out)
HELP ME!!
Something should keep me going until Iron Man 3 drops in stores.
Good non-existent divine person in the sky, I'm rambling. Better leave it at that.
~D
Bit of a shady title, isn't it? Probably
It's because i'll confess shit related to entertainment. Here goes:
Kaitlyn's tit slip last monday was the highlight of my week. Despite the poor quality of the imaging, I could make out a well formed nipple, that had the world of wrestling fans drooling incessantly. It was fucking gold. For a totally hilarious comment about Kaitlyn's tit and Zack Ryder -> Check my twitter feed. Because repeating it on here would make it slightly less awesome.
Also, Cesaro teamed up with Colter?! Save from the insanity storyline-wise, I'm glad the casual fans are once more reminded that Cesaro is actually still employed. Can't be too sure with kids today and their selective amnesia.
Aside from that, Christian returns and gets near-squash wins? Mucho gusto. I half expected him to have gotten canned by now, for "creative reasons". I'm glad that every so often, WWE pulls out all the stops and proves me wrong. It's a nice feeling :)
There's no point in discussing wrestling any further. Seemingly, the only noteworthy thing happening is Zack Ryder bitching about being misused. Tell that to your former tag partner Curt Hawkins, and subsequently humble yourself.
Another confession then? Alright. This might be the whopper. I've never seen Star Wars ... any of it. No films, no tv spin-offs. I frequently browse 9gag and the pictures involving Star Wars (the majority of them) make little to no sense to me.
I read a synopsis, saw a few clips on YT and decided that it's worth absolutely nothing of my time. I get the feeling this makes me a cultural outcast, as seemingly 99.9% of people on the internet have seen and loved it. I'm sorry lads, no fucks are given on this end.
Another confession? I dislike another crowd favorite: Modern Family. Despite my unhealthy adoration for Ed O'Neill, I just cannot get into that series at all. The idea is good and all, but that reality tv style of having interview-like intermezzos just annoys the fuck out of me. Halfway through the pilot I had to turn it off, I was getting violently bored.
With my nitpicky behaviour regarding tv shows, I always end up returning to series I did (and do) like. I've rewatched all episodes of the Big Bang Theory twice, I went through How I Met Your Mother's 8 seasons in one week and I reckon I've been rewatching Heroes (possibly top 3 series of all time for me) for the seventh time. I'm in desperate need for new shows to watch, between episodes of the awesome series Warehouse 13 (If you're into sci-fi with a realistic and alternative history-like twist, check it out)
HELP ME!!
Something should keep me going until Iron Man 3 drops in stores.
Good non-existent divine person in the sky, I'm rambling. Better leave it at that.
~D
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Other entertainment?
Hi
"Other entertainment" seems a bit odd, considering pro wrestling hasn't been that entertaining, but I digress. This is simply going to be a non-wrestling related entry. In fact, it's going to be related to video games. (I'm not going to lie, it's just going to be about the Assassin's Creed series, since it gives me happy boners).
First and foremost though, I've got to say something about the recent console announcements. Nobody cares for Nintendo consoles, since the WiiU is in no way competitive in terms of next-gen gaming. Our Japanese friends will have to be happy they completely trump everyone in the handheld market. As for the other two, it seems like Microsoft has made a huge mistake.
Not only does the XBox one look like a tacky VCR that no one wants to see in a living room, all of the other announcements have pretty much killed any momentum it could've garnered before the first one rolled off the conveyor belt. Honestly, I wonder what the people at Microsoft were thinking. Having to connect to the net once a day, fees for second hand games (even if someone borrows it?), ... I'm not going to vent on the backwards compatibility because it's been this way for the current gen as well. I've never been an XBox enthusiast so it doesn't really matter for me personally.
As a loyal Playstation user (since I got the PSX in 1998), I was quite happy to see the PS4 specs. It'll be a couple of years before I buy it, however, but to see that it trumps XBox One in every possible way (including pricing!) is very positive. Retailing at only 399 is almost spectacular. Sony must be taking losses on it, but it'll give them a nicer edge already.
Anyways. Assassin's Creed has been a particular favorite of mine, ever since the first game. It's huge in popularity for sure, but with good reasons. As a fanatic for historical events, I like the way that the creative forces behind the series have managed to provide an alternate take, and fleshed it out in a manner that can be perceived as realistic (aside from the supernatural elements).
The first one was a bit of letdown, compared to newer installments though. It could be considered a revolutionary game, but ever since II was released in 2009, its flaws have been highlighted more excessively. Repetitive in nature, no replayability, lack of ability to swim (which made the harbor assassination of Sibrand the Templar much more of a nuissance than anything). The second part was better in every possible aspect.
Being able to roam free throughout Firenze, Toscana, Monteriggioni, Venezia etc. in a renaissance era Italy was beyond superb. The upgrade abilities were superior, the armor collectible, side missions ... I could go on. The story was nicely expanded on, fleshing out both the bad and good guys.
Everybody loves the main character of II, probably because the gamer was basically living his life "while it happened" with added expansions of Brotherhood and Revelations. We all saw Ezio Auditore go from a 17-year old womanizer to a hardened warrior well into his fifties by the time Revelations ended. Besides that, Revelations also offered some closure to the story of Altaïr, the protagonist of the first game.
All the more reason for people to have gotten excited for Assassin's Creed III. Quite frankly, I was gifted the game and I'm kind of glad I didn't fork out full price for it. There were some added features to the game, like hunting and the entire frontier that could be explored, but some flaws were just too big to ignore. Glitchiness was a big factor and made it feel as if the game was a little rushed to accommodate to its rising popularity after the Ezio trilogy. I mean, having about 30 guards chasing after you, with no notoriety seems a bit odd.
Freerunning, which was a staple of the games before, was much less fun, unless in the frontier, even though you could now climb rocks and trees as well.
The story however, was pretty well executed. A lot of historical characters were once again part of the tale, much like characters such as Leonardo Da Vinci, Niccolo Macchiavelli, Lorenzo De Medici and Cesare Borgia had been before. George Washington, Ben Franklin, Paul Revere etc.
The Naval missions were also a nice added feature. Still, it didn't feel right. I might be biased, since I loved the Renaissance era games and personally never really cared for colonial America.
Despite all that, I'm looking forward to the release of IV: Black Flag. Featuring the protagonist Edward Kenway, father and grandfather of the playable characters in III. Wide open jungles and cities to explore, naval missions etc. I'll probably buy it once I've finished GTA V.
Now, I can't stress this enough. There's something I actively despise in the game business and it seems to be common practice these days: DLC. Playing WWE Games and AC games have made me painfully aware of it. If I fork out full price for a game, I expect it to be complete. I don't want to have to fork out another 20 to 30 bucks for add ons. I wish I could've played with Gangrel in WWE '13. I can't because I need a net connection to my PS3 (Which I don't have) and more money to buy the DLC packs. AC series is more of the same. I had the expansion packs for II because I bought it much later and got the "GOTY" edition, which had two added DLC (Battle of Forli and Bonfire of the Vanities). I would've loved to have more weapons available, cool new armor and extra stuff to play (Da Vinci Disappearance, Tyranny of King Washington) but I refuse to pay even more money for a little bit extra.
I don't "jailbreak" my trusty PS3 in order to be able to play homebrew games. Nope, I buy every game I want and have probably spent a couple of thousand euros in the past decade to do so. Why would I have to pay extra money on top of the sixty euros for a game to get it complete. Dick move, game business. Very dick move.
How about that? I thought this would an entry that would dry hump the AC series and I still managed to get some criticism in. I really fucking hate DLC. I so wanted to play with the unloved character Rain in Mortal Kombat, but no retailer carried the "Komplete Edition" so I had to buy regular. No Rain :(
The guy who came up with DLC should have a rusty spike rammed up his urethra, slowly. Ya fucker.
~D.
(any and all criticism about this entry should be sent to complaints@coitusyourself.fu or in the comment section. I won't care either way, but I'll still love you ... even if you are a dude.)
"Other entertainment" seems a bit odd, considering pro wrestling hasn't been that entertaining, but I digress. This is simply going to be a non-wrestling related entry. In fact, it's going to be related to video games. (I'm not going to lie, it's just going to be about the Assassin's Creed series, since it gives me happy boners).
First and foremost though, I've got to say something about the recent console announcements. Nobody cares for Nintendo consoles, since the WiiU is in no way competitive in terms of next-gen gaming. Our Japanese friends will have to be happy they completely trump everyone in the handheld market. As for the other two, it seems like Microsoft has made a huge mistake.
Not only does the XBox one look like a tacky VCR that no one wants to see in a living room, all of the other announcements have pretty much killed any momentum it could've garnered before the first one rolled off the conveyor belt. Honestly, I wonder what the people at Microsoft were thinking. Having to connect to the net once a day, fees for second hand games (even if someone borrows it?), ... I'm not going to vent on the backwards compatibility because it's been this way for the current gen as well. I've never been an XBox enthusiast so it doesn't really matter for me personally.
As a loyal Playstation user (since I got the PSX in 1998), I was quite happy to see the PS4 specs. It'll be a couple of years before I buy it, however, but to see that it trumps XBox One in every possible way (including pricing!) is very positive. Retailing at only 399 is almost spectacular. Sony must be taking losses on it, but it'll give them a nicer edge already.
Anyways. Assassin's Creed has been a particular favorite of mine, ever since the first game. It's huge in popularity for sure, but with good reasons. As a fanatic for historical events, I like the way that the creative forces behind the series have managed to provide an alternate take, and fleshed it out in a manner that can be perceived as realistic (aside from the supernatural elements).
The first one was a bit of letdown, compared to newer installments though. It could be considered a revolutionary game, but ever since II was released in 2009, its flaws have been highlighted more excessively. Repetitive in nature, no replayability, lack of ability to swim (which made the harbor assassination of Sibrand the Templar much more of a nuissance than anything). The second part was better in every possible aspect.
Being able to roam free throughout Firenze, Toscana, Monteriggioni, Venezia etc. in a renaissance era Italy was beyond superb. The upgrade abilities were superior, the armor collectible, side missions ... I could go on. The story was nicely expanded on, fleshing out both the bad and good guys.
Everybody loves the main character of II, probably because the gamer was basically living his life "while it happened" with added expansions of Brotherhood and Revelations. We all saw Ezio Auditore go from a 17-year old womanizer to a hardened warrior well into his fifties by the time Revelations ended. Besides that, Revelations also offered some closure to the story of Altaïr, the protagonist of the first game.
All the more reason for people to have gotten excited for Assassin's Creed III. Quite frankly, I was gifted the game and I'm kind of glad I didn't fork out full price for it. There were some added features to the game, like hunting and the entire frontier that could be explored, but some flaws were just too big to ignore. Glitchiness was a big factor and made it feel as if the game was a little rushed to accommodate to its rising popularity after the Ezio trilogy. I mean, having about 30 guards chasing after you, with no notoriety seems a bit odd.
Freerunning, which was a staple of the games before, was much less fun, unless in the frontier, even though you could now climb rocks and trees as well.
The story however, was pretty well executed. A lot of historical characters were once again part of the tale, much like characters such as Leonardo Da Vinci, Niccolo Macchiavelli, Lorenzo De Medici and Cesare Borgia had been before. George Washington, Ben Franklin, Paul Revere etc.
The Naval missions were also a nice added feature. Still, it didn't feel right. I might be biased, since I loved the Renaissance era games and personally never really cared for colonial America.
Despite all that, I'm looking forward to the release of IV: Black Flag. Featuring the protagonist Edward Kenway, father and grandfather of the playable characters in III. Wide open jungles and cities to explore, naval missions etc. I'll probably buy it once I've finished GTA V.
Now, I can't stress this enough. There's something I actively despise in the game business and it seems to be common practice these days: DLC. Playing WWE Games and AC games have made me painfully aware of it. If I fork out full price for a game, I expect it to be complete. I don't want to have to fork out another 20 to 30 bucks for add ons. I wish I could've played with Gangrel in WWE '13. I can't because I need a net connection to my PS3 (Which I don't have) and more money to buy the DLC packs. AC series is more of the same. I had the expansion packs for II because I bought it much later and got the "GOTY" edition, which had two added DLC (Battle of Forli and Bonfire of the Vanities). I would've loved to have more weapons available, cool new armor and extra stuff to play (Da Vinci Disappearance, Tyranny of King Washington) but I refuse to pay even more money for a little bit extra.
I don't "jailbreak" my trusty PS3 in order to be able to play homebrew games. Nope, I buy every game I want and have probably spent a couple of thousand euros in the past decade to do so. Why would I have to pay extra money on top of the sixty euros for a game to get it complete. Dick move, game business. Very dick move.
How about that? I thought this would an entry that would dry hump the AC series and I still managed to get some criticism in. I really fucking hate DLC. I so wanted to play with the unloved character Rain in Mortal Kombat, but no retailer carried the "Komplete Edition" so I had to buy regular. No Rain :(
The guy who came up with DLC should have a rusty spike rammed up his urethra, slowly. Ya fucker.
~D.
(any and all criticism about this entry should be sent to complaints@coitusyourself.fu or in the comment section. I won't care either way, but I'll still love you ... even if you are a dude.)
Wednesday, 29 May 2013
And onward...
Hello
I don't know what the deal is with myself right now. I'm in a wrestling-watch-kind-of-mood, yet I couldn't tell you who is actually champion these days. Let me quickly check...
Alright.
Lots of Shieldy goodness going on. Fun. These guys are a relief. No nonsense, just beating the shit out of everyone. They are forced to be bound for greater things. Both Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose have been favorites of mine from the days when they were just Tyler Black and Jon Moxley. To see them get more and more credit is a testament to their abilities. This Roman Reigns, I don't know. I know he's part of the greater Anoa'i family so he's got baggage, but as far as the team goes, he's the greenest.
Roman doesn't handle the stick that much, which is probably for the best. The same could've been said for Seth Rollins, but he seems to be improving in that role. Not too bad, considering you've got an awesome mic worker in Dean Ambrose. I've always considered Seth to be top potential, but Ambrose has been far superior since their debut on the main roster. Perhaps Seth's role in the tag division is holding him back.
Not for long, considering there's another faction on its way. The Wyatt family. Just last monday, their first promo made it to the air on RAW. Seemingly batshit insane folks, but anyone with more than a 5 second memory won't take them as seriously as they should. Everyone, I hope, remembers him as the fairly rotund (pun intended) son of Irwin R. Schyster, Husky Harris. Granted, this new gimmick seems to work out very well for him. This Erick Rowan fellow isn't too familiar with me, but it compensates with the way I've seen "Luke Harper" work. Back when he was just Brodie Lee and made a habit of kicking people's faces off in Chikara (Do yourself the favor and look it up on youtube). By people, I mean Tim Donst. Brodie is a big guy, but he moves like a cruiserweight. Great guy to have on your roster.
If WWE plays their cards right, they could have a decent faction feud in the near future. Perhaps the ideal way to once again breathe life into the tag division. You know, by having actual tag teams, instead of two people thrown together... Good thing, with the New Age Outlaws being semi-active also (NOSTALGIA HAPPENING LIKE RIGHT NOW).
This Fandango thing has really blown up, huh? This is beginning to look like the Pirate Burchill story. Some guy gets a gimmick that will be the death of a career, and against all odds it gets over like a motherfucker. That's Fandango for ya. When's the last time a wrestling theme charted? Granted, it's in Australia, but still...
Either way, I liked creepy Johnny Curtis better still.
Curtis Axel, the man formerly know as Michael McGillicutty, né Joseph Hennig. Looks like he's finally getting a push. I'm not sure if the heel persona will work out (he doesn't sound very convincing), but he's got Heyman to give him that push ... thankfully. The name he's using now is positively ridiculous, but if you know his family history it's a logical tribute. (Father Curt Hennig, Grandfather Larry "The Ax" Hennig; and voilà)
Eh, still no sign of a Cesaro push... annoying, considering the only reason he's not pushed is simply because some people don't feel right with him, but can't pinpoint what it is. I'm slightly worried he might be canned soon. I mean, if you F-E an exceptionally talented guy like Derrick Bateman (I seriously loved that guy), what's next?
As per usual, I haven't followed TNA at all. Though I've been hearing that Hulk Hogan is all but teasing a return to the ring. As long as that's a possibility, TNA is off limits. My hatred for that guy is off the charts. Vince Russo could be my pen-pal in comparison.
I did what I promised not to do, and got WWE '13. Paid half price and didn't feel ripped off. I had a huge boner throughout the story mode, reliving a portion of the attitude era. One of the few things that bother me with the game is the fact that a number of my favorites from the Attitude Era are DLC. Living in a household where online gaming is a bad word, I have no proper way to access this downloadable content. But honestly, if I fork out full price for a game, the least I could expect is to have it be complete.
Assassin's Creed is one of my favorite series EVER, yet a lot of the good stuff is an add-on. Honestly, if the DLC was part of the package, it might have redeemed AC III (which, in my opinion is a terrible fucking game. I'm Ezio-biased, though). Either way, I'm hoping many good things for AC4, as the few things I liked from ACIII (Naval missions, free roaming nature) return.
Also, this is the first time I've properly veered away from wrestling. Perhaps I should do it more often, do entertainment in general as well? I have opinions on a lot of things.
Let me know.
~D.
I don't know what the deal is with myself right now. I'm in a wrestling-watch-kind-of-mood, yet I couldn't tell you who is actually champion these days. Let me quickly check...
Alright.
Lots of Shieldy goodness going on. Fun. These guys are a relief. No nonsense, just beating the shit out of everyone. They are forced to be bound for greater things. Both Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose have been favorites of mine from the days when they were just Tyler Black and Jon Moxley. To see them get more and more credit is a testament to their abilities. This Roman Reigns, I don't know. I know he's part of the greater Anoa'i family so he's got baggage, but as far as the team goes, he's the greenest.
Roman doesn't handle the stick that much, which is probably for the best. The same could've been said for Seth Rollins, but he seems to be improving in that role. Not too bad, considering you've got an awesome mic worker in Dean Ambrose. I've always considered Seth to be top potential, but Ambrose has been far superior since their debut on the main roster. Perhaps Seth's role in the tag division is holding him back.
Not for long, considering there's another faction on its way. The Wyatt family. Just last monday, their first promo made it to the air on RAW. Seemingly batshit insane folks, but anyone with more than a 5 second memory won't take them as seriously as they should. Everyone, I hope, remembers him as the fairly rotund (pun intended) son of Irwin R. Schyster, Husky Harris. Granted, this new gimmick seems to work out very well for him. This Erick Rowan fellow isn't too familiar with me, but it compensates with the way I've seen "Luke Harper" work. Back when he was just Brodie Lee and made a habit of kicking people's faces off in Chikara (Do yourself the favor and look it up on youtube). By people, I mean Tim Donst. Brodie is a big guy, but he moves like a cruiserweight. Great guy to have on your roster.
If WWE plays their cards right, they could have a decent faction feud in the near future. Perhaps the ideal way to once again breathe life into the tag division. You know, by having actual tag teams, instead of two people thrown together... Good thing, with the New Age Outlaws being semi-active also (NOSTALGIA HAPPENING LIKE RIGHT NOW).
This Fandango thing has really blown up, huh? This is beginning to look like the Pirate Burchill story. Some guy gets a gimmick that will be the death of a career, and against all odds it gets over like a motherfucker. That's Fandango for ya. When's the last time a wrestling theme charted? Granted, it's in Australia, but still...
Either way, I liked creepy Johnny Curtis better still.
Curtis Axel, the man formerly know as Michael McGillicutty, né Joseph Hennig. Looks like he's finally getting a push. I'm not sure if the heel persona will work out (he doesn't sound very convincing), but he's got Heyman to give him that push ... thankfully. The name he's using now is positively ridiculous, but if you know his family history it's a logical tribute. (Father Curt Hennig, Grandfather Larry "The Ax" Hennig; and voilà)
Eh, still no sign of a Cesaro push... annoying, considering the only reason he's not pushed is simply because some people don't feel right with him, but can't pinpoint what it is. I'm slightly worried he might be canned soon. I mean, if you F-E an exceptionally talented guy like Derrick Bateman (I seriously loved that guy), what's next?
As per usual, I haven't followed TNA at all. Though I've been hearing that Hulk Hogan is all but teasing a return to the ring. As long as that's a possibility, TNA is off limits. My hatred for that guy is off the charts. Vince Russo could be my pen-pal in comparison.
I did what I promised not to do, and got WWE '13. Paid half price and didn't feel ripped off. I had a huge boner throughout the story mode, reliving a portion of the attitude era. One of the few things that bother me with the game is the fact that a number of my favorites from the Attitude Era are DLC. Living in a household where online gaming is a bad word, I have no proper way to access this downloadable content. But honestly, if I fork out full price for a game, the least I could expect is to have it be complete.
Assassin's Creed is one of my favorite series EVER, yet a lot of the good stuff is an add-on. Honestly, if the DLC was part of the package, it might have redeemed AC III (which, in my opinion is a terrible fucking game. I'm Ezio-biased, though). Either way, I'm hoping many good things for AC4, as the few things I liked from ACIII (Naval missions, free roaming nature) return.
Also, this is the first time I've properly veered away from wrestling. Perhaps I should do it more often, do entertainment in general as well? I have opinions on a lot of things.
Let me know.
~D.
Tuesday, 9 April 2013
Fallout/Forward
Hiya
At the time of writing, WWE comes fresh off of Wrestlemania, edition 29. Every year, I keep wondering if the quality will continue to deteriorate, as the main shows have. There's a lot of factors playing as of now, but everyone with half a brain has already gone into too much detail on that, so let's focus on the point for a change.
Wrestlemania, there was a time when I would simply stay up for half the night and watch it, with boatloads of coffee on hand. The last time that happened was 4 years ago. In those 4 years, I never could bring myself to sitting through the entire event. This year was no different, so as always, I'm going to take you through the result and offer my take on them.
First up is the pre-show. A whole lot of talking and video packages. In between all of that, a match between The Miz and Wade Barrett, for Barrett's intercontinental title. Hang on, a title match on the pre-show? I know that WWE doesn't really give half a shit about the mid-card titles, but doing it on a free-for-all pre-show is selling it short.
Alas, but on with it. Definitely not a spectacular match, but enough to warm up the crowd. Miz wins the title using the Figure Four. Ever since Ric Flair proverbially passed the torch, Miz has been spamming the fuck out of that move. Ah well, it works for Miz, so I'm game.
I really don't get why Miz is still disliked with the smarks. His WWE title reign was one of highs and lows, but any guy who still sees Mike Mizanin, semi-star of "the Real World", should really start considering taking his blinders off. He was fucking over as a heel for most of the time (one could argue that Morrison helped achieve that), and he's managed to smoothly transition into a face persona. I wouldn't call myself a fan of his, but I can honestly say he deserves a lot more credit than he's been given the past couple years.
Orton, Sheamus & Show vs The Shield.
The whole Shield storyline has been a little underwhelming so far. It started off quite well, but got a little more weary with every passing week. They needed a big win to go on, and the otherwise ass backwards creative team gave it to them. Against some of the "top guys" no less. Expectations are high for Rollins and Ambrose. This Reigns chap, I'm not sure. Haven't seen enough of this guy to really judge his work, but I've been hearing he's fairly green. Of course, in WWE, talent doesn't correlate with success.
The way going forward is simple. Orton should've been heel for a year or two. Make it happen. As for the Shield ... more airtime is necessary. They need a big storyline going forward. Let's face it, this faction has at least two insanely talented guys who have the ability to be big players in the near future. I like Rollins, but as of writing, I'm sure Dean Ambrose is a breakout star.
Ryback vs Mark Henry
Your typical filler match. The kind of match that goes either way and has fuck all effect on things going forward. Slightly surprised though that Mark Henry went over Ryback. Also, no fallout on this, whatsoever? Could've been a decent feud that lasted a couple of months if anything.
Hell No vs Ziggler/Langston
Is this what Ziggler has been relegated to? You could make a case for Kane and Bryan not belonging in this position, but especially Ziggles has been dealt a very weird hand. Am I mistaken in thinking that this guy should be holding a world championship? Something he could've very easily have done, if he was allowed to cash in. Yet, he's now relegated to being a vehicle to help push this NOD nostalgia act over.
Y2J vs Fandango
Vince is high on this Fandango. He's not high on Antonio Cesaro. Nothing against Johnny Curtis (he was fucking awesome as the immensely creepy and awkward guy on NXT), but this character just seems off. It's gonna take a whole load of effort to make this character somewhat redeemable. Of course, going over Jericho at Mania could do just that. Let's hope so.
Del Rio vs Swagger - WHC
The feeling of MEH overwhelms me. While I like Del Rio, the character comes across way too forced, and I still have my suspicion on whether or not he is world champion material. I guess creative thinks he is, since he took a win over the revived Jack Swagger to retain. Swagger got a much needed makeover some time ago, and it helped him heaps. Thankfully Uncle Zebekiah is there to help him. I wonder what's next. There's a possibly lengthy feud going forward, which is good.
And then there's MOTN. Undertaker vs CM Punk
You could almost guess this would be the highlight of the event, as it has been for several years. If Taker is in good enough shape to work a proper match, one with Punk would blow the roof off. And every report reads the same thing: "match of the night".
Of course, that Taker wins is no surprise. It shouldn't even be any question. If Taker is at 'mania, taker wins. It's that simple.
Triple H vs Lesnar - No Holds Barred
If Triple H lost, Triple H would have to retire. Makes perfect sense, since Trips has been handling a lot of duties backstage. A loss as such would've been no more than logical. A long and hard match and Brock would go over. Brock looks strong, Trips can focus on his work behind the scenes. Seems like the feasible option right?
Then why did Triple H go over? Why did Triple H have to go over Lesnar? I wonder. Perhaps we'll have to wait for Raw to see what's next. It better be a good reason. Not that I'm particularly fond of Lesnar, but he got cheated out of a logical victory here.
Now the main event, the WWE title match.
Rocky (c) vs Cena.
Stevie Wonder saw this coming. Of course Cena would go over. They need a champion who can be at Raw every week. Not that I'm happy Cena is champ (anything but), but he's a better option than Rocky, for sure.
Rock could sit back and watch his new feud with Lesnar being set up for next year's WM. Though, I read only an hour ago that the People's Champ has abandoned his flock and went back to LA. Seems like he's walking out. Ah, Hollywood stars....
Some more rumors have come forward. People believe that RVD, who was at the HOF ceremony, might return. Though he hinted that a WWE return wasn't out of the question, it's not THAT likely. I'm putting more faith in a return of Christian, who's been out of action since mid 2012. I for one cannot wait!
Going forward, I hope Vince removes his head 1 inch further from his ass. Cesaro should get every fucking push possible. He's nothing short of awesome. AND PLEASE! GIVE PAIGE A CHANCE TO PROPERLY DEBUT. Ironically, she outshines every fucking diva in nxt in ring skill. And she's pretty too. A mildly risqué photoshoot and she'll be over with every guy in the audience who has a functioning penis. Sad, but true.
That be it, then. Until next time.
~D.
At the time of writing, WWE comes fresh off of Wrestlemania, edition 29. Every year, I keep wondering if the quality will continue to deteriorate, as the main shows have. There's a lot of factors playing as of now, but everyone with half a brain has already gone into too much detail on that, so let's focus on the point for a change.
Wrestlemania, there was a time when I would simply stay up for half the night and watch it, with boatloads of coffee on hand. The last time that happened was 4 years ago. In those 4 years, I never could bring myself to sitting through the entire event. This year was no different, so as always, I'm going to take you through the result and offer my take on them.
First up is the pre-show. A whole lot of talking and video packages. In between all of that, a match between The Miz and Wade Barrett, for Barrett's intercontinental title. Hang on, a title match on the pre-show? I know that WWE doesn't really give half a shit about the mid-card titles, but doing it on a free-for-all pre-show is selling it short.
Alas, but on with it. Definitely not a spectacular match, but enough to warm up the crowd. Miz wins the title using the Figure Four. Ever since Ric Flair proverbially passed the torch, Miz has been spamming the fuck out of that move. Ah well, it works for Miz, so I'm game.
I really don't get why Miz is still disliked with the smarks. His WWE title reign was one of highs and lows, but any guy who still sees Mike Mizanin, semi-star of "the Real World", should really start considering taking his blinders off. He was fucking over as a heel for most of the time (one could argue that Morrison helped achieve that), and he's managed to smoothly transition into a face persona. I wouldn't call myself a fan of his, but I can honestly say he deserves a lot more credit than he's been given the past couple years.
Orton, Sheamus & Show vs The Shield.
The whole Shield storyline has been a little underwhelming so far. It started off quite well, but got a little more weary with every passing week. They needed a big win to go on, and the otherwise ass backwards creative team gave it to them. Against some of the "top guys" no less. Expectations are high for Rollins and Ambrose. This Reigns chap, I'm not sure. Haven't seen enough of this guy to really judge his work, but I've been hearing he's fairly green. Of course, in WWE, talent doesn't correlate with success.
The way going forward is simple. Orton should've been heel for a year or two. Make it happen. As for the Shield ... more airtime is necessary. They need a big storyline going forward. Let's face it, this faction has at least two insanely talented guys who have the ability to be big players in the near future. I like Rollins, but as of writing, I'm sure Dean Ambrose is a breakout star.
Ryback vs Mark Henry
Your typical filler match. The kind of match that goes either way and has fuck all effect on things going forward. Slightly surprised though that Mark Henry went over Ryback. Also, no fallout on this, whatsoever? Could've been a decent feud that lasted a couple of months if anything.
Hell No vs Ziggler/Langston
Is this what Ziggler has been relegated to? You could make a case for Kane and Bryan not belonging in this position, but especially Ziggles has been dealt a very weird hand. Am I mistaken in thinking that this guy should be holding a world championship? Something he could've very easily have done, if he was allowed to cash in. Yet, he's now relegated to being a vehicle to help push this NOD nostalgia act over.
Y2J vs Fandango
Vince is high on this Fandango. He's not high on Antonio Cesaro. Nothing against Johnny Curtis (he was fucking awesome as the immensely creepy and awkward guy on NXT), but this character just seems off. It's gonna take a whole load of effort to make this character somewhat redeemable. Of course, going over Jericho at Mania could do just that. Let's hope so.
Del Rio vs Swagger - WHC
The feeling of MEH overwhelms me. While I like Del Rio, the character comes across way too forced, and I still have my suspicion on whether or not he is world champion material. I guess creative thinks he is, since he took a win over the revived Jack Swagger to retain. Swagger got a much needed makeover some time ago, and it helped him heaps. Thankfully Uncle Zebekiah is there to help him. I wonder what's next. There's a possibly lengthy feud going forward, which is good.
And then there's MOTN. Undertaker vs CM Punk
You could almost guess this would be the highlight of the event, as it has been for several years. If Taker is in good enough shape to work a proper match, one with Punk would blow the roof off. And every report reads the same thing: "match of the night".
Of course, that Taker wins is no surprise. It shouldn't even be any question. If Taker is at 'mania, taker wins. It's that simple.
Triple H vs Lesnar - No Holds Barred
If Triple H lost, Triple H would have to retire. Makes perfect sense, since Trips has been handling a lot of duties backstage. A loss as such would've been no more than logical. A long and hard match and Brock would go over. Brock looks strong, Trips can focus on his work behind the scenes. Seems like the feasible option right?
Then why did Triple H go over? Why did Triple H have to go over Lesnar? I wonder. Perhaps we'll have to wait for Raw to see what's next. It better be a good reason. Not that I'm particularly fond of Lesnar, but he got cheated out of a logical victory here.
Now the main event, the WWE title match.
Rocky (c) vs Cena.
Stevie Wonder saw this coming. Of course Cena would go over. They need a champion who can be at Raw every week. Not that I'm happy Cena is champ (anything but), but he's a better option than Rocky, for sure.
Rock could sit back and watch his new feud with Lesnar being set up for next year's WM. Though, I read only an hour ago that the People's Champ has abandoned his flock and went back to LA. Seems like he's walking out. Ah, Hollywood stars....
Some more rumors have come forward. People believe that RVD, who was at the HOF ceremony, might return. Though he hinted that a WWE return wasn't out of the question, it's not THAT likely. I'm putting more faith in a return of Christian, who's been out of action since mid 2012. I for one cannot wait!
Going forward, I hope Vince removes his head 1 inch further from his ass. Cesaro should get every fucking push possible. He's nothing short of awesome. AND PLEASE! GIVE PAIGE A CHANCE TO PROPERLY DEBUT. Ironically, she outshines every fucking diva in nxt in ring skill. And she's pretty too. A mildly risqué photoshoot and she'll be over with every guy in the audience who has a functioning penis. Sad, but true.
That be it, then. Until next time.
~D.
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